The Kissing Booth - Beth Reekles

My rating: ⭐

From the cover:

"Meet Rochelle Evans: pretty, popular--and never been kissed. Meet Noah Flynn: badass, volatile--and a total player. And also Elle's best friend's older brother... 

When Elle decides to run a kissing booth for the school's Spring Carnival, she locks lips with Noah and her life is turned upside down. Her head says to keep away, but her heart wants to draw closer--this romance seems far from fairy tale and headed for heartbreak. 

But will Elle get her happily ever after?"

 

They didn't ask me for one, but if they had, this would be my front cover blurb for The Kissing Booth: "I rolled my eyes so many times reading this, I was worried they would stick that way."

This might be the first time I have ever hate-read a book. If I had another audiobook lined up, I would have given this up after the first chapter. Sadly, I didn't, so I stuck it through to the bitter end--and, oh boy, was it bitter. I can't think of a single positive thing to say about this book. Truly, from start to finish, it was hot garbage with no redeeming qualities. If I could give it zero stars, I would. Hot. Garbage.

So, what was it that made me hate The Kissing Booth so much? Let's start off with the least offensive flaws and progress from there.

Flaw 1: If Beth Reekles has an editor, she needs to find a new one. If she doesn't, she needs to get one, because this book was ridiculous. Everything happened suddenly, all Noah did throughout the book was smirk, give his trademark smirk, smirk sexily, give a steamy smirk. All everyone else did was grimace at things that were happening. No kidding, it felt like every other sentence, someone was grimacing. Beth, let me help you out here, real quick, with some synonyms.

Smirk: sneer, leer, simper

Grimace: frown, scowl

Flaw 2, closely related to Flaw 1: Did you know that Beth Reekles is British? I did. Want to know how? Even though this book is set in California, everyone uses British slang and phrases! It happened throughout the book...Noah drove a motorbike, Elle didn't want to get into another row, people were sat on counters, etc... If everything else about the book was great, neither of these issues would have been a deal breaker, but as it transpired they were the least-offensive thing about it.

Flaw 3: There was no character development and no consistency in their personalities. I'm not sure Beth even knew what her characters were like, they changed so much from one chapter to the next. All of it was so weird...one chapter, Elle is one of the guys, because since her mom died when she was young she was never very girly. The next she has multiple outfit changes and needs to make sure her makeup is perfect. Oh, but don't forget that her mom died when she was young! It's important...even though it never has any impact on the story and ultimately seems like some weird detail shoehorned in for....no discernible reason? Also, her dad is just..........he may as well not have been there. Elle is a junior in high school who lives like a college student with no parental supervision.

Dad: *After Elle didn't come home until the next morning after a party* "You didn't drink did you? Because I don't want you to drink."
Elle: "Well I got super shitfaced, but don't worry, Noah stopped me from getting naked in front of the whole school."
Dad: "Oh, Elle."

Dad: "I don't like Noah, and I don't think you should date him."

Elle: "Uhh I'm gonna date him." *proceeds to stay out all night and go to a hotel with Noah*

Dad:

Reading this felt like reading a poorly-written fanfic based on Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill. The driving force behind the drama was "I'm dating my best friend's brother, but he can't know!" Why can't he know? Why does he care? There was no reason for the secrecy, and the only reason for her best friend to be upset at the two of them dating was never addressed. Which brings us to the biggest thing I hated about this book:

Noah is controlling and abusive! This is the elephant in the room the entire book, and it ends up brushed under the rug. Can we stop writing YA fiction that romanticizes abusive relationships? Can we please? At the beginning of the book, we find out Noah has been threatening every guy at school to keep them away from Elle...to "protect her," he says, but seriously? It's because he wants to date her. Multiple times throughout the story, Noah drags her away, forced her against walls, tells her how to dress, threatens other people to scare them away from her, does something unforgivable only to kiss Elle and make her forget all about it. At one point, he almost breaks a guy's rib for trying to kiss her. It gets played off like the guy was being aggressive and borderline sexually assaulting her, but it wasn't written that way at all. It was written like "guy thinks Elle is interested. Tries to kiss her. She begins to shut him down. Abusive, territorial male appears from out of nowhere to kick guy's ass before she can." Gross. 

There is one half-hearted reference to Noah seeing a therapist when he was younger for his violent tendencies, but apparently it couldn't be helped. I guess it's just one of those incurable things for everyone to look past? An adorable quirk? That's what it ends up becoming, anyway. Elle shrugs it off because Noah is just so darn cute. Besides, after their weird non-break up when Lee finds out they're "together," he turns it all around. It's like night and day, suddenly (do you see what I did there?) her violence-junky (yep, they use that phrase. Over and over) boyfriend is an over-the-top romantic, doing amazing things like presumptuously booking a hotel room for them the night of the summer dance (which they didn't even go to together), asking the band to play a song she likes, and (hold onto your hats!) holding the door open for her. What a sweetheart.

This book reminds me of those "I fed a bot 10,000 hours of content and then had it generate its own version" things. Is Beth Reekles real? Or was this book written by an alien with the barest grasp of human emotions and experiences? I truly can't decide, but either way it's terrible. Please don't read it. Please.