The Kiss Quotient - Helen Hoang

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆

Character Development: ☆☆

Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Stella Lane thinks math is the only thing that unites the universe. She comes up with algorithms to predict customer purchases--a job that has given her more money than she knows what to do with, and way less experience in the dating department than the average thirty-year-old.

It doesn't help that Stella has Asperger's and French kissing reminds her of a shark getting its teeth cleaned by pilot fish. Her conclusion: she needs lots of practice--with a professional. Which is why she hires escort Michael Phan. The Vietnamese and Swedish stunner can't afford to turn down Stella's offer, and agrees to help her check off all the boxes on her lesson plan--from foreplay to more-than-missionary position...

Before long, Stella not only learns to appreciate his kisses, but crave all of the other things he's making her feel. Their no-nonsense partnership starts making a strange kind of sense. And the pattern that emerges will convince Stella that love is the best kind of logic..."

 

I picked this book because, aside from the outdated reference to Asperger's, the plot sounded intriguing. From the description, I expected it to be sweet, maybe a little nerdy, and something of a slow burn romance-wise. Imagine my surprise when I turn on the audiobook for the first time on my drive to work and within the first two chapters Michael is gripping his cock and masturbating to just shy of completion in preparation for his first "date" with Stella.

I mean...I know it's a romance but it read more contemporary fiction and less bodice-ripper to me, so it took me a lot by surprise being auditorily accosted by cocks at like 6:30 in the morning pulling into an effing ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Slow burn this was decidedly not. Also, I take issue with "before long, Stella not only learns to appreciate his kisses, but crave all of the other things he's making her feel..." in the description because "before long" is basically immediately. And that brings me to my biggest issue with this book: Every bit of the plot felt manufactured.

I mean, we start off with Stella eating with her parents, hearing about the pressure from her mom to have grandkids (even though Stella has never actually dated anyone) and witnessing firsthand Stella's discomfort with being touched. Alright, I'm following. If you don't like being touched in general, you're probably not going to be super comfortable with doing the sex, particularly if you've never been in a relationship.

Then we're treated to a description of the last time she'd had sex (which I believe was her third time ever), and we learn that her only sexual encounters thus far have been obligatory sex with random blind dates who have essentially sexually assaulted her after it was clear that she was not enthusiastically consenting to anything they were engaging in. Ummmmmmm. That's certainly...something.😐

Enter Michael, the cock gripper himself. They meet up for the first time, and while there is a little tension and anxiety on Stella's part, she almost immediately is going weak-kneed and horny for him. Which is hard for me to wrap my brain around, both taking into account her aversion to touch in general and keeping in mind that literally her only other experience with intimacy has been so decidedly negative. I mean, at the risk of getting into TMI, I have been sexually assaulted before, and while everyone reacts differently, I just do not buy being instantaneously comfortable with someone just because they take things a tiny bit slow. Nope. No way.

Immediately comfortable Stella is, though, and after a tiny bit of turbulence, the book basically becomes nonstop filthy sex. Not only that, but Michael and Stella have pretty much fallen in love at their first meeting, and they're essentially dating, but of course they're not actually dating because [insert trivial manufactured reason Stella thinks Michael doesn't actually like her] and [insert trivial manufactured reason Michael thinks Stella doesn't actually like him]. It didn't even feel like there was plot conflict for like 80% of the book because it was just Stella and Michael boning down in between forced introspection about how much they liked being together and how sad they were that it could never possibly work out for real because mumble mumble mumble...

Things do finally come to a head, probably 85% of the way into the book, in an incredibly convincing and not at all contrived way (insert sarcmarkⓒ here). The not-couple breaks up, sending both of them into a vicious downward spiral in which Michael contemplates fucking someone else, since Stella totally is (?), while Stella decides she needs to quit her job (?) to become a doctor instead. Fortunately, while all these dark thoughts are going down, Stella goes out to dinner with a trashbag of a coworker, Michael runs into them, and after totally necessary shenanigans, the couple is happily reunited. Not only that, but Michael informs her the moment they get back together that he will be proposing to her in three months, so she has time to mentally prepare. I'm sorry...what?! How incredibly Mormon of you, Michael.

Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple, but even more congratulations to me for not having to listen to this book anymore. Did I hate it? No. Did I want to finish it? Also no. Did it make me like it approximately 78% less than I would have otherwise that Michael on multiple occasions dictated to Stella that her vagina MUST be referred to as a pussy and that he basically ordered her to wear her hair down and wear sundresses at one point? Absolutely. Did I also not love that in one chapter there were approximately infinity references to Stella's "sex," which is possibly my least favorite euphemism for a person's bits? I truly did not. Am I just asking rambling questions now because there were so many little gripes I had with this book? You nailed it.

Read this book or don't, I don't care. If you do, I recommend avoiding reading in public, since so much of it is extra spicy, but you do you.

Almost October? Close enough.

I finished reading my last challenge book for September tonight, so I figured why not do my monthly update now? This was most certainly not motivated by the fact that I had no review ready and it was either this or skip posting this week. Nope, that wasn't it. Just really eager for this update.

I won't mince words...September was not a good month for challenge books. I Love You, Beth Cooper? Did not age well. I knew going into it that I probably wouldn't love it...but Jesus H. Christ. I should have looked harder for another book that fit the bill because yeesh. It wasn't great.

In a pretty entertaining twist, Joel never reads my blog, but he decided to read the last challenge update post. It's like he has a sixth sense for when I'm casting aspersions upon his reading preferences. Sorcery! Anyway, he read it and was like "I recommended that? Can I change my recommendation?" I would like to say he changed it to something better, but...he changed it to Your Money or Your Life which...look. I get it, I guess? But it's really hard for me to take a book seriously when it talks about breaking down your hourly wage and uses $10 an hour as the example, but then turns around and shares anecdotes about people who own multiple houses and shit like that. Don't pretend this advice will work for anyone and act like low income people can bootstrap themselves into financial independence when all your advice is clearly only intended for people with a lot of disposable income.

Anyway, as I predicted, Becoming Eve was the palate cleanser I needed. Abby's story is so compelling, heartbreaking but also inspiring, that I couldn't put it down. Coming from a high demand religion (read: cult) myself, I was grinding my teeth reading about all the ways she was forced to suppress herself by her family's religious practices, and I'm so glad that she was able to finally find a way to be herself. Abby is incredible.

Now, let's talk October. I should have thought ahead and put holds on books, because...everything is on hold? What the hell? I've got holds in now, and a couple books should be available soon, so these are the challenges I'm going with this month:

#21: Read a queer retelling of a classic of the canon, fairytale, folklore, or myth 

For this I'm going with Darling by K. Ancrum. I love Peter Pan and have read all kinds of fractured fairytale versions, retellings, etc, so I'm interested to get into this spin on it!

#23: Read a book by a disabled author

I had a couple options I was still trying to decide between, but I've settled on The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang. Basically, a woman obsessed with math comes up with algorithms for everything and decides to apply her love of logic to dating. What starts out as a very straightforward plan, of course, does not go as expected. We'll see what happens!

Bonus! For #20: Read an award-winning book from the year you were born, I chose Maus: A Survivor's Tale, and after looking into getting it from the library I decided to buy it. I should get it soon, so I'm going to try to read it in October also. 

Twelfth - Janet Key

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆☆☆

Character Development: ☆☆☆☆☆

Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆☆☆

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Twelve-year-old Maren is sure theater camp isn't for her. Theater camp is for loud, confident, artsy people: people like her older sister, Hadley--the last person Maren wants to think about--and her cinema-obsessed, nonbinary bunkmate, Theo. But when a prank goes wrong, Maren gets drawn into the hunt for a diamond ring that, legend has it, is linked to the camp's namesake, Charlotte "Charlie" Goodman, a promising director in Blacklist Era Hollywood. When Maren connects the clues to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, she and her new friends are off searching through lighting booths, orchestra pits and costume storages, discovering the trail and dodging camp counselors. But they're not the only ones searching for the ring, and with the growing threat of camp closing forever, they're almost out of time."

I feel like in an alternate universe a less introverted Dewey is hardcore into theater, so this mystery centered around theater and moviemaking immediately snagged my attention. Add to that that the play involved in the story is Twelfth Night...arguably the best Shakespeare play? (Ok, fine, that's debatable, but it's one I like a lot.) Winner. And it didn't hurt that the cover art was pretty delightful. 

It was hard not to be all in on this one from the jump, and once I started reading, the characters sealed the deal. I felt Maren's frustration with her family situation on a soul-deep level, and even most of the side characters were so well-rounded and unique that I felt like I knew each of them. The little details included to make each person three dimensional and memorable were perfection. I mean, the coffee shop proprietor is literally in ONE scene, and for the rest of the book I was crossing my fingers she would show up again. That's some impressive writing. 

When it came to the plot, I have to be honest, I don't think I would have been able to unravel this mystery. But it was a delight to follow along as Maren and her friends pulled each thread, and the way the flashbacks to the past were woven into the main story, pulling back the curtain bit by bit for the reader and making you want to keep reading...chef's kiss. The suspense and tiny revelations just when you needed one made it really hard to put the book down! I thought this was really well written, engaging, and a delight from start to finish.

I Love You, Beth Cooper - Larry Doyle

No.

Just no.

September Challenge Update

Welp, I've had bronchitis for the last two weeks, but I'm finally on the mend, and here I am with another challenge update. Are you ready?

I finished all the books I said I was going to work on for August! Woohoooooooo! The Courage of Elfina was very good. An emotional read, very quick, and the illustrations are beautiful. Let's Talk About Love I even managed to write a review for, so check that out! And Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry was pretty great. The character development was on point, and I really loved getting into their world and getting to know each of them. All in all, my August picks were a win. 

Want some sad news, though? My hold for While Justice Sleeps came in early, and my sick-haze brain was like ok, yeah, check it out! And then promptly forgot that the hold had come in, so I DIDN'T READ IT! And then my hold expired, so I had to put it on hold again...and now the wait is twelve weeks. *sobs* It came in early last time, though, so I'm sure it will again. I'll finish reading it eventually. Anyway, on to September's challenges!

14. Read a book whose movie or TV adaptation you've seen, but you haven't read the book 

I chose I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle for this. This pick took a little digging, since I really enjoy torturing myself and reading the source material after I watch something that has been made into visual media, but I finally found something that satisfied the prompt (mostly because I didn't realize the movie was based on a book). Bonus, I guess, I watched the movie so long ago that I barely remember it, so I won't be able to compare it to the book and be disappointed in the adaptation!

16. Read a book recommended by a friend with different reading tastes

Sooo. The thing about this is that I keep a very small friend circle, and most of us have similar taste in books. Which meant I had to ask for a recommendation from my husband, who doesn't have reading "tastes" so much as every once in a while he'll read a non-fiction book written by some hopefully well-intentioned straight cisgender white guy about how to improve your life or how the guy became a success or one life-changing thing to get you to the top of your game. It's fine if you're into that sort of thing, but it's pretty much the opposite of what I gravitate toward...which I guess is the point of this whole challenge, but also kind of...not? At any rate, I've made my bed, so for this challenge I will be reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I've been mentally preparing for months, so we'll see how this goes.

17. Read a memoir written by someone who is trans or nonbinary

Excellent palate cleanser coming after the above two challenges. For this prompt, I'll be reading Becoming Eve by Abby Stein. I look forward to getting into this one!

Let's Talk About Love - Claire Kann

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆☆☆

Character Development: ☆☆☆☆

Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆☆

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Alice had her whole summer planned. Non-stop all-you-can-eat buffets while marathoning her favorite TV shows (best friends totally included) with the smallest dash of adulting--working at the library to pay her share of the rent. The only thing missing from her perfect plan? Her girlfriend (who ended things when Alice confessed she's asexual). Alice is done with dating--no thank you, do not pass go, stick a fork in her, done.

But then Alice meets Takumi and she can’t stop thinking about him or the rom com-grade romance feels she did not ask for (uncertainty, butterflies, and swoons, oh my!)

When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn, and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library employee badge (close enough), Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated—or understood."

 Let's talk about love, baby, let's talk about Alice and Takumi...

Seriously, though, let's talk about Let's Talk About Love. I've come across very little ace representation in books, so I was excited to come across this. It had been on my TBR for a while, so how fortuitous that one of the Read Harder challenges this year was to read a book with ace rep! Just the nudge I needed to finally, finally make the time to read this. 

Right off the bat, I was impressed with the character development. I mean, Margot is in like...one chapter? And the level of trash person achieved in that short a time...wow. Incredible that someone featured so briefly could inspire such instant and thorough dislike. I want to TP her car. The more heavily featured characters were also very realistic - like to the point that sometimes I found them incredibly annoying, and then I would realize oh! This is just like real people, they don't always do everything right and you can get irritated with them! (I mean...seriously, please just communicate...but kudos to Claire Kann for the realism.)

Moving right along, the plot. The book was much more character driven than plot driven, so there wasn't heaps of action, but things moved along at a good pace and progressed nicely. My two gripes were 1. the fatphobia (let's be clear, Takumi has an eating disorder, and nothing about that is "health conscious") and 2. the fact that Takumi as a BRAND NEW library assistant was running storytimes for the library. I don't know what that library's deal was, but it was unrealistic at best. Outside of mistaking thinness for "health" and taking some creative license with library stuff, though, pretty solid story. It's hard to really get into specifics without giving spoilers, but the self-exploration was solid, and I liked that multiple characters experienced growth and not just the main character.

Anyhoo, I'm very full and also sleepy, and I want to make sure this is ready to go, so abrupt wrap-up: Solid story. I would maybe recommend the physical book over the audiobook, but either option would provide entertainment.

August Reading Challenge Update

I am thrilled to report that I am working on this BEFORE the day I intend to post it, because I planned ahead. Am I turning things around? Getting organized at last?

...probably not. School started this week, and I have more classes than last year with less help, so I'm sure next week it will be 6pm, I'll be mid-DnD session, and I'll realize I never wrote anything and have to scramble after our adventure wraps up. But hey, maybe not. Maybe I AM getting organized at last.

Anyway, Read Harder update! I did not finish While Justice Sleeps last month, although not because I wasn't reading it or didn't like it. This delay is due to circumstances beyond my control, those circumstances being that the library app I checked it out from doesn't cooperate with my Kindle. Trying to read ebooks on my phone is kind of a pain in the ass, so I gave it my best shot but ultimately decided that the better option was to put a hold on it using Overdrive so I could read more comfortably. The wait list is about ten weeks, so look forward to a review around Halloween.

Since While Justice Sleeps wasn't panning out, I moved on to challenge #7, read a book where at least one protagonist is over 40, and listened to The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, which I've already posted a review for! I would brag about being on top of stuff, but while writing this I realized I never did a challenge update for June, so not only am I a month behind on my challenge reading, but double checking my list after I noticed that, one of the books I picked for May just completely fell of my radar and I never actually read it. WHOOPS! This really bodes well for my whole "turning things around" thing.

Anyhoozle. I don't even know what's happening anymore, but I've read 12 of the 24 books on my list, and to get back on track I'm going to try to read three challenge books in August and three in September. So, without further ado, my picks for August:

Challenge #6: Read a nonfiction YA comic

The book I chose in May returns! This time, for real, I will be reading The Courage of Elfina. Seriously. I mean it. My copy of the book is already on the way. Or...will be...like...tomorrow.

Challenge #11: Read a book with an asexual/aromantic main character

I KNOW I can commit to reading this one because I've already started it! For this challenge, I'm reading Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann. It's fantastic so far, and I look forward to sharing an update when I'm done.

Challenge #13: Read an adventure story by a BIPOC author

For this challenge, I'll be reading Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney. Sadly, my library doesn't own a digital copy of this, but I put in a request for them to get the audiobook, and in the meantime I've got a hold on the physical book.