My rating: ⭐
From the cover:
"Hawthorn wasn't trying to insert herself into a missing person's investigation. Or maybe she was. But that's only because Lizzie Lovett's disappearance is the one fascinating mystery their sleepy town has ever had. Bad things don't happen to popular girls like Lizzie Lovett, and Hawthorn is convinced she'll turn up at any moment - which means the time for speculation is now.
So Hawthorn comes up with her own theory for Lizzie's disappearance. A theory way too absurd to take seriously...at first. The more Hawthorn talks, the more she believes. And what better way to collect evidence than to immerse herself in Lizzie's life? Like getting a job at the diner where Lizzie worked and hanging out with Lizzie's boyfriend. After all, it's not as if he killed her - or did he?"
Sooooo this book is problematic as hell, and I'm shocked that none of the reviews I looked through when I first started reading it mention that (rest assured, I'll be getting into why, and be warned - it will involve spoilers). There were some that mentioned how unlikable Hawthorn was as a character, which I will heartily second. She's a senior in high school, but I kept forgetting that because of how childish and bratty she was. I'm all for writing teenagers like they are teenagers and not miniature adults who happen to still be in school, but this was so far beyond that...even Hawthorn's best friend, brother, and parents spent pretty much the entire book begging her to not be so self-involved and immature. Eesh.
Then we get into the whole inserting herself into Lizzie Lovett's life to "investigate" her theory (her theory, by the way? That Lizzie is a werewolf. I mean, for fuck sake, a young woman is missing and, being realistic, probably dead, and Hawthorn is like lolz she's not missing, everyone, she's a werewolf!) She goes to the diner where Lizzie works and takes Lizzie's job, and then when Lizzie's boyfriend comes in to get a little quiet time away from the missing person's investigation for his long-time girlfriend, she immediately brings Lizzie up and tells him her werewolf theory. Which takes us to the first reason I found this book so problematic: Enzo goes along with it, and the two end up in a relationship.
Why is that problematic, you ask? Well, Lizzie was a senior in high school when Hawthorn was a freshman. Three years later, Lizzie is at least 20, and if I'm recalling correctly, Enzo was a few years older. Even to begin with, it was weird to me that a grown ass man in his early/mid twenties was like "ok, yeah, let's hang out with a high school kid and pretend my missing girlfriend is actually a werewolf," but then it progresses to the point where Enzo and Hawthorn SLEEP TOGETHER, and I was like um. What.
And not only that, but later on in the book after the two have "broken up" (it's never a conversation, it just kind of...happens...) Enzo gets into a relationship with a classmate of Hawthorn's. I mean, I get that your girlfriend disappeared and was later confirmed to be dead, which is traumatic as hell, but again, this is a GROWN. ASS. MAN. Dating not one but TWO seventeen-year-old girls. How did this not come up in ANY of the reviews I read?! 🤮
CW before proceeding: Discussion of suicide
So we've got predatory behavior from a traumatized adult man, why not throw more problematic content in. Toward the end of the book, after a far too long werewolf investigation, we learn that some hikers discovered Lizzie's body. While everyone suspected some kind of foul play, it turns out Lizzie died by suicide the night she went missing. I'm not going to get into the particulars, but the book sure as shit did, including speculation about why it happened the way it did, which is bad enough on it's own. But then following the discovery of her body, there are multiple comments to Hawthorn about how Lizzie gave up and how Hawthorn is stronger than Lizzie was, so she needs to fight, and I just...
Fuck anyone who talks about suicide like that. Lizzie wasn't weak because of the way she died, and shaming someone for their mental health struggles is pretty fucking despicable. I thought we got garbage books about suicide out of our systems in 2016 with Thirteen Reasons Why, but apparently not. This book was infuriating, and I know I've already said this, but I'm stunned that this doesn't come up more in reviews of this book.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, please do not feel shame. Your experiences and emotions are valid. You are valid. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach someone day or night at 1-800-273-8255. If texting is more your speed, you can also text HOME to 741741 to reach a crisis counselor. When you call, you'll hear an automated message and be asked to wait on the line until a trained crisis worker answers. Workers don't follow any kind of script, so once someone is on the line, you'll be able to talk to them about whatever you need. No judgment, just support.
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