At the End of the River Styx - Michelle Kulwicki

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆☆
Character Development: ☆☆
Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆
Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Before he can be reborn, Zan has spent 499 years bound in a 500-year curse to process souls for the monstrous Ferryman - and if he fails he dies.

In Portland, Bastian is grieving. He survived a car accident that took his mother and impulse-purchased a crumbling bookstore with the life insurance money.

But in sleep, death's mark keeps dragging Bastian into Zan's office. It shouldn't be a problem to log his soul and forget he ever existed. But when Zan follows Bastian through his memories of grief and hope, Zan realizes that he is not ready for Bastian to die.

The boys borrow time hiding in the memories of the dead while the Ferryman hunts them, and Zan must decide if he's willing to give up his chance at life to save Bastian - and Bastian must decide if he's willing to keep living if it means losing Zan."

📚📚📚

Intriguing concept for this Owlcrate book that I will once again argue does not qualify as YA. It hooked me enough that I started it pretty quickly (I have six Owlcrate books waiting ahead of this one but let it jump the line), but sadly I don't know that it fully delivered. Last quarter of the book? Totally. Well...mostly. I found the ending emotional and kind of lovely, just a touch unsatisfying. Maybe like 4-4.5 stars. Unfortunately, that lovely and emotional last quarter of a book is preceded by the first three quarters, which draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Like...so little happens. I genuinely don't think you get much more information or character development from the first hundred or so pages than you start out with from the first few chapters. The pace is way too slow, with lots of hints at upcoming information that, by the time they come, you're like oh ok, I kinda figured. And while I felt Bastian's grief, the two main conflicts - struggling with his relationships and the expectations of his friends/brother and his struggle with the Ferryman/Zan - were both basically repeats of the same interaction over and over with very little change or growth to the action. 

It was kind of a letdown, especially because even though it seemed impossible to tell people about being marked for death, as a reader I was like ok at some point he's going to open up to his friends and tell them about this, right? And they're all going to work together to come up with some solution, right? WRONG! He's just going to repeat the same interaction with them over and over until you get far enough into the book that he decides he's going to try to open up and rely on his friends!

Oh, no, wait, he does finally tell his brother about it...hope! A light at the banks of the river of death! But then...nothing comes of it. Soooooo what was the point of that?

Similarly, he has a handful of mostly negative interactions with Zan, and then pretty apropos of nothing it's like nah, actually, these two are in love. Truly, there was more relationship development in the last couple chapters than in the entire rest of the book combined, which is wild.

Bah, I don't know. I feel like rating this overall at three stars is a wee bit generous, especially given all my griping in this review, but with the exception of the END end, I really did find the later chapters enjoyable, so I don't want to rate it too low. I just feel like there was a lot of potential and it fell short. Could have been great, ended up being meh. The cover art and sprayed edges on the special edition version though? Beautiful. And you know...I feel like people say "don't judge a book by its cover" like something ugly on the outside might be beautiful on the inside, but really it should be used to mean the opposite - don't think something is good just because it's pretty.

Belladonna - Adalyn Grace

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆
Character Development: ☆☆
Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆
Overall: ⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Nineteen-year-old Signa Farrow, orphaned as a baby, has been raised by a string of guardians, each more interested in her wealth than her well-being - and each has met an untimely end. Her last remaining relatives are the Hawthornes, an eccentric family living at the glittering and gloomy estate of Thorn Grove. Thorn Grove's patriarch, Elijah, mourns his late wife, Lillian, through wild parties and drink, while eldest son Percy grapples for control of the family's waning reputation and daughter Blythe suffers from the same mysterious illness that killed her mother. And when Lillian's spirit confronts Signa and claims she was poisoned, Signa realizes that Blythe could be next to die.

Signa's best chance of uncovering the culprit and solving Lillian's murder is an alliance with Death himself - the very man she hates most. And Death, that fascinating, dangerous shadow who has never been far from her side, shows her that their connection may be more powerful than she ever dared imagine."

Remember when I joked about starting a series where I reviewed books that are not YA but get classified that way because they're fantasy, written by a woman, with a female MC? Seriously, I need to do it. Because again, I find myself typing a review of a "YA" book that IS 👏 NOT 👏 YA. Truly, begging publishers to stop calling things YA just because women are involved.

Now that that's out of the way...I put this audiobook on hold at the library because I got something in my Owlcrate subscription box that referenced it, and I figured hey, if I have things that quote books, maybe I'll try to read some of them! (Sidenote: Maybe Owlcrate choosing this book to reference should have tipped me off that it was FauxYA, since Owlcrate so clearly loves curating a selection of not-actually-YA books). The premise sounded interested, so why not give it a shot? I'll tell you why not...

It's kind of boring. 

Like, I'm three-quarters of the way through and the narrative has not progressed past the information provided in the synopsis. I know it's the first in a sequel, so there's some world-building that has to happen, but GOOD LORD, pick up the pace. I kept waiting for a reveal or for some actual action, but...no. Lots of outfit descriptions though - not that I don't love a good gown description, but I like them more when they're balanced by actual things happening. I finally gave up on it, I just did not care enough to slog through another several hours of story in hopes that maybe something would happen.

The one good thing I'll say about this book is that I enjoyed the audiobook narrator, Kristen Atherton. She did such a great job that sometimes I got lost in her narration, even though nothing was really happening. Sadly, a great narrator wasn't enough to drive me to finish the book, but snaps to her for being such an engaging narrator anyway!

Rust in the Root - Justina Ireland

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆☆☆
Character Development: ☆☆☆☆☆
Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆☆☆☆
Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"It is 1937, and Laura Ann Langston lives in an America divided - between those who work the mystical arts and those who do not. Ever since the Great Rust, a catastrophic event that threw America into disarray, the country has been rebuilding for a better future. And everyone knows the future is industry and technology - otherwise known as Mechomancy - not the traditional mystical arts.

Laura disagrees. A talented young queer mage from Pennsylvania, Laura hopped a portal to New York City on her seventeenth birthday with hopes of earning her mage's license. Laura applies for a job with the Bureau of the Arcane's Conservation Corps, a branch of the US government dedicated to repairing the damage caused by the Great Rust, and meets the Skylark, a powerful mage with a mysterious past who reluctantly takes Laura on as an apprentice. But as they're sent off on their first mission together, they discover evidence of mystical workings not encountered since the darkest period in America's past, when Black mages were killed for their power - secrets that could threaten their lives and everything they've worked for."

AHHHHHH WOW. I picked this book kind of on a whim for my YA book club, not sure how it would go, and I am so glad it ended up on my radar because it is incredible. I literally just finished it and am still reeling a bit from my journey, so I'm going to give myself a moment to process and then come back and try to review it properly.

Okay, I've taken some time, and I'm here to tell you that I'm still thinking about this book, almost a week after I finished it. The way Justina Ireland weaves magic and fantasy elements into history is masterful, and the subterfuge and plot twists had me on the edge of my seat the entire book. Peregrine and Skylark had me rooting for them right away, and while I had a hard time letting my guard down about anyone else, I couldn't help but love Grimalken, Crystal, etc. The characters, the worldbuilding, the storytelling...out of this world. 

Also, the number of just...MASTERFUL lines in this book. Have you ever read a book and been constantly torn between "This is so gripping, I cannot stop reading" and "holy shit, I need to write this line down NOW because it is amazing"? Read this book and you will have. It felt like every page or two there was a sentence that had me reaching for a pen. I already said that the weaving of reality and fantasy was A+, but seriously, the way Ireland used the tension between the Possibilities and Mechomancy as commentary on real-world conflicts...chef's kiss.

Please read this book. It's so good.

And the Band Played On - Randy Shilts

 My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"By the time Rock Hudson's death in 1985 alerted all America to the danger of the AIDS epidemic, the disease had spread across the nation, killing thousands of people and emerging as the greatest health crisis of the 20th century. America faced a troubling question: What happened? How was this epidemic allowed to spread so far before it was taken seriously? In answering these questions, Shilts weaves the disparate threads into a coherent story, pinning down every evasion and contradiction at the highest levels of the medical, political, and media establishments.

Shilts shows that the epidemic spread wildly because the federal government put budget ahead of the nation's welfare; health authorities placed political expediency before the public health; and scientists were often more concerned with international prestige than saving lives. Against this backdrop, Shilts tells the heroic stories of individuals in science and politics, public health and the gay community, who struggled to alert the nation to the enormity of the danger it faced. And the Band Played On is both a tribute to these heroic people and a stinging indictment of the institutions that failed the nation so badly."

Reading this book a year into the pandemic is...an experience. Early on, we read this quote:

"The bitter truth was that AIDS did not just happen to America - it was allowed to happen by an array of institutions, all of which failed to perform their appropriate tasks to safeguard the public health. This failure of the system leaves a legacy of unnecessary suffering that will haunt the Western world for decades to come."

Like, hello...sound familiar? I knew this would be an emotional read going into it, but with all the parallels to present day, it was doubly so recognizing those similarities in the response to COVID. Like cool, cool, we really have learned nothing in 40 years, that's great. Of course, COVID is nowhere near as fatal as AIDS was when it appeared, so I don't want to minimize any of that experience, because I can't even comprehend how horrible that must have been. But for fuck's sake, if people could show a little bit of growth over time, that would be nice.

And the Band Played On is told in a narrative style, but it is a journalistic work. I expected it to be a little on the dry side as a result, but it was not at all. The way Shilts wove the different narratives together was intensely personal and pulled me in immediately. Initially, it was heartbreaking reading about the response of the gay community as a whole and their unwillingness to stop engaging in risky behaviors even after being warned. If the government isn't going to respond with adequate funding, at least individuals can take steps to protect themselves, and in a time where so many people refuse to wear a mask for idiotic reasons, I found myself immediately angry at those refusing to listen to warnings. Then I paused and thought about how after a lifetime of being discriminated against, bullied, and mistreated for being gay, it was pretty logical to be suspicious of this mysterious "illness" mandating they stop having sex. I would have been suspicious too, and that makes it even more heartbreaking.

"The story of these first five years of AIDS in America is a drama of national failure, played out against a backdrop of needless death."

Even before the government and news media failed American people by refusing to take AIDS seriously because of their homophobia and bigotry, we as a country had already failed them. How many lives would have been saved if the LGBTQ community hadn't been given so many reasons to be suspicious of the warnings they were given after the virus showed up? It was difficult to read about case after case being diagnosed, knowing how preventable many of those cases should have been. As difficult as it was though, I am glad to have read this history and learned more about what happened in the 1980s. If you, like me, grew up surrounded by assholes who only ever referenced AIDS as "God's curse on homosexuals," I strongly recommend you pick this up. Obviously I don't believe it was a curse from some vengeful douchebag god, but I knew almost nothing about what had actually happened. This thorough, well-researched history of the first ten years of the virus was emotional to read but incredibly informative.

(Also, fuck Reagan, he was trash.)

Punching the Air - Ibi Zoboi and Yusef Salaam

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"The story that I thought/was my life/didn't start on the day/I was born

Amal Shahid has always been an artist and a poet. But even in a diverse art school, he's seen as disruptive and unmotivated by a biased system. Then one fateful night, an altercation in a gentrifying neighborhood escalates into tragedy. 'Boys just being boys' turns out to be true only when those boys are white.

The story that I think/will be my life/starts today

Suddenly, at just sixteen years old, Amal's bright future is upended: he is convicted of a crime he didn't commit and sent to prison. Despair and rage almost sink him until he turns to the refuge of his words, his art. This never should have been his story. But can he change it?"

As a white woman, I feel a little weird writing a review of a book about the disproportionate (frequently wrongful) incarceration of Black people and the broken justice system in the United States, particularly since white women so frequently and disgustingly weaponize their privilege to harm Black people and other people of color. But this book is so powerful and Amal's voice so strong, that I had to share this book in case I have friends who didn't have it on their radar. Potential spoilers included.

The book starts off with Amal's trial. We don't find out details of what happened right away, just snippets about a fight with a white teen, who ended up in a coma. Amal is found guilty and sent to a detention facility, and details of the fight gradually unfold, interspersed between his experiences in prison. We also get glimpses into the experiences of some of the other boys with him, and we see a lot of the ways in which all of the boys in this detention center have basically been abandoned to the system. 

The one bright spot for Amal as he grapples with fear, hopelessness, and despair in the face of violent, racist guards, an educational program that is vastly inadequate, and very little support aside from his mother's visits, is a poetry class led by an outside volunteer. The class, basically a reward for good behavior, is one of his only connections to his life outside of prison and is a vital outlet, a place for him to use his words to remind himself of his humanity. As a volunteer-run class, though, the poetry group is not a guaranteed offering, even though without it many of the kids who attend are losing one of their only sources for a healthy outlet. What will happen to Amal and the other boys if they lose the class, and with it their connection to the one person inside the detention center who treats them like human beings?

This book may be fiction, but it was inspired by Yusef Salaam's real life experience as one of the exonerated five, and we all know that Yusef and his friends are far from the only people living in the US to have been wrongfully imprisoned (or imprisoned for bullshit reasons). Amal's story is a heartbreaking reminder not only of how the United States' decision to favor punitive action over restorative justice is failing a majority of black and brown Americans, but also of how our refusal as white people to confront our implicit biases, unlearn the white supremacist bullshit we have grown up steeped in, and use our privilege for good is propping up the rampant racism in our country.

Clap When You Land - Elizabeth Acevedo

 My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Camino Rios lives for the summers, when her father visits her in the Dominican Republic. But this year, on the day when his plane is supposed to land, Camino arrives at the airport to see crowds of crying people...

In New York City, Yahaira Rios is called to the principal's office, where her mother is waiting to tell her that her father, her hero, has died in a plane crash.

Separated by distance - and Papi's secrets - the two girls are forced to face a new reality, in which their father is dead and their lives are forever altered. And then, when it seems like they've lost everything, they learn of each other.

Papi's death uncovers all the painful truths he kept hidden, and the love he divided across an ocean. And now Yahaira and Camino are both left to grapple with what a new sister means to them and what it will take to keep their dreams alive."

Everything Elizabeth Acevedo writes is impossible to put down, and Clap When You Land is no exception. This book is beautiful, breaking and warming your heart at the same time. The alternating perspectives of Yahaira and Camino were handled beautifully, and I loved the way the two narratives came together at the end. Even though they've been apart their whole lives, their voices intermingle, and without a clear distinction like in earlier pages, sometimes it's hard to tell who is speaking until we get context. It reminded me of how sometimes when one of my siblings is speaking their voice sounds so similar to another sibling that I can't be 100% sure who it is until something they're saying gives it away. (Or let's be honest, how sometimes I'll play a video of my sister talking and for a second think it's me and I just forgot I said that.)

There are a lot of complex emotions at work in this story, and you will feel every single moment along with the characters. When Yahaira's mom tells her she has a sister, I was angry on her behalf. When Camino talks about being mad at her father for his lies and also shattered that she'll never talk to him again, I felt that mixed-up grief. I am blown away by how real these characters became and how their experiences leapt off the page. Also, I know there are lots of conversations and jokes about how New York is the "fifth" character in Sex and the City, but for real, the Dominican Republic felt like a character in this book, and I loved it. The personality, the vibrancy, the feel of Camino's home was all around me as I read. Just...incredible, the magic Elizabeth Acevedo is able to weave with her words. Read this book. Read all of her books. Read her grocery lists if she decides to publish those at some point. I will read anything Elizabeth Acevedo gives me.

Memento - Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

 My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"AIDAN is the AI you'll love to hate. The advanced AI system was supposed to protect a fleet of survivors who'd escaped the deadly attack on Kerenza IV. AIDAN was supposed to be infallible. But in the chaotic weeks and months that followed, it became clear that something was terribly, terribly wrong with AIDAN..."

I have been waiting to read this novella for SO. LONG. I'm still a little in disbelief that it actually happened. Some background: this is a prequel of sorts to Illuminae, and it was initially offered as an incentive to preorder the first book in Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff's newest series, which, heartbreak of heartbreaks, I was unaware of. Consequently, while I knew it existed, I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. 

At long last, though, it was released for everyone to enjoy, and I couldn't be happier. It came at the perfect time, too, because I've been rereading the series, so I was able to listen to Memento and then return to Gemina with new knowledge of AIDAN's journey. And what a journey it has been! As if AIDAN's character weren't chilling enough, some of the background you get on what goes down immediately after the attack on Kerenza IV, WHEW! Just...incredible writing. I can't even handle my love of this series or these authors, how are they so good?

Honestly, need I even tell you to read this? Do it. And if you haven't read the Illuminae trilogy, get on it. Fantastic.

The Hundred Lies of Lizzie Lovett - Chelsea Sedoti

My rating: ⭐

From the cover:

"Hawthorn wasn't trying to insert herself into a missing person's investigation. Or maybe she was. But that's only because Lizzie Lovett's disappearance is the one fascinating mystery their sleepy town has ever had. Bad things don't happen to popular girls like Lizzie Lovett, and Hawthorn is convinced she'll turn up at any moment - which means the time for speculation is now.

So Hawthorn comes up with her own theory for Lizzie's disappearance. A theory way too absurd to take seriously...at first. The more Hawthorn talks, the more she believes. And what better way to collect evidence than to immerse herself in Lizzie's life? Like getting a job at the diner where Lizzie worked and hanging out with Lizzie's boyfriend. After all, it's not as if he killed her - or did he?"

Sooooo this book is problematic as hell, and I'm shocked that none of the reviews I looked through when I first started reading it mention that (rest assured, I'll be getting into why, and be warned - it will involve spoilers). There were some that mentioned how unlikable Hawthorn was as a character, which I will heartily second. She's a senior in high school, but I kept forgetting that because of how childish and bratty she was. I'm all for writing teenagers like they are teenagers and not miniature adults who happen to still be in school, but this was so far beyond that...even Hawthorn's best friend, brother, and parents spent pretty much the entire book begging her to not be so self-involved and immature. Eesh.

Then we get into the whole inserting herself into Lizzie Lovett's life to "investigate" her theory (her theory, by the way? That Lizzie is a werewolf. I mean, for fuck sake, a young woman is missing and, being realistic, probably dead, and Hawthorn is like lolz she's not missing, everyone, she's a werewolf!) She goes to the diner where Lizzie works and takes Lizzie's job, and then when Lizzie's boyfriend comes in to get a little quiet time away from the missing person's investigation for his long-time girlfriend, she immediately brings Lizzie up and tells him her werewolf theory. Which takes us to the first reason I found this book so problematic: Enzo goes along with it, and the two end up in a relationship.

Why is that problematic, you ask? Well, Lizzie was a senior in high school when Hawthorn was a freshman. Three years later, Lizzie is at least 20, and if I'm recalling correctly, Enzo was a few years older. Even to begin with, it was weird to me that a grown ass man in his early/mid twenties was like "ok, yeah, let's hang out with a high school kid and pretend my missing girlfriend is actually a werewolf," but then it progresses to the point where Enzo and Hawthorn SLEEP TOGETHER, and I was like um. What.

And not only that, but later on in the book after the two have "broken up" (it's never a conversation, it just kind of...happens...) Enzo gets into a relationship with a classmate of Hawthorn's. I mean, I get that your girlfriend disappeared and was later confirmed to be dead, which is traumatic as hell, but again, this is a GROWN. ASS. MAN. Dating not one but TWO seventeen-year-old girls. How did this not come up in ANY of the reviews I read?! 🤮

CW before proceeding: Discussion of suicide

So we've got predatory behavior from a traumatized adult man, why not throw more problematic content in. Toward the end of the book, after a far too long werewolf investigation, we learn that some hikers discovered Lizzie's body. While everyone suspected some kind of foul play, it turns out Lizzie died by suicide the night she went missing. I'm not going to get into the particulars, but the book sure as shit did, including speculation about why it happened the way it did, which is bad enough on it's own. But then following the discovery of her body, there are multiple comments to Hawthorn about how Lizzie gave up and how Hawthorn is stronger than Lizzie was, so she needs to fight, and I just...

Fuck anyone who talks about suicide like that. Lizzie wasn't weak because of the way she died, and shaming someone for their mental health struggles is pretty fucking despicable. I thought we got garbage books about suicide out of our systems in 2016 with Thirteen Reasons Why, but apparently not. This book was infuriating, and I know I've already said this, but I'm stunned that this doesn't come up more in reviews of this book. 

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please do not feel shame. Your experiences and emotions are valid. You are valid. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach someone day or night at 1-800-273-8255. If texting is more your speed, you can also text HOME to 741741 to reach a crisis counselor. When you call, you'll hear an automated message and be asked to wait on the line until a trained crisis worker answers. Workers don't follow any kind of script, so once someone is on the line, you'll be able to talk to them about whatever you need. No judgment, just support. 

Guest Review - The Grace Year

This week I've got a special guest here to share her thoughts on The Grace Year by Kim Liggett. Just in case my review was not enough to convince you to give it a shot, my sister Molly Whoremon (friends call her Whore) dropped by to provide a second opinion.

From the cover (for anyone who needs a refresher):

"No one speaks of the grace year. It’s forbidden.

In Garner County, girls are told they have the power to lure grown men from their beds, to drive women mad with jealousy. They believe their very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That’s why they’re banished for their sixteenth year, to release their magic into the wild so they can return purified and ready for marriage. But not all of them will make it home alive.

Sixteen-year-old Tierney James dreams of a better life—a society that doesn’t pit friend against friend or woman against woman, but as her own grace year draws near, she quickly realizes that it’s not just the brutal elements they must fear. It’s not even the poachers in the woods, men who are waiting for a chance to grab one of the girls in order to make a fortune on the black market. Their greatest threat may very well be each other.

With sharp prose and gritty realism, The Grace Year examines the complex and sometimes twisted relationships between girls, the women they eventually become, and the difficult decisions they make in-between."

💬    💬    💬

I honestly do not know how to even begin to review this book. I don't read synopses for books so I never really know what to expect, but as I made my way through this book it felt like a totally different experience than other books.

It's such a chilling tale of oppression, heartbreak, misunderstanding, love, fear, realization, and so many other emotions. I don't think I've ever been so moved and truly connected to a story before. I felt every emotion of the main character, Tierney, as she did and was briefly a part of her journey through this book.

I know this really doesn't explain what the book was about at all. I don't think I could ever do it justice. I will say though that nothing is ever what it truly seems. 🖤

10/10 would recommend.

When - Victoria Laurie

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Maddie Fynn is a shy high school junior, cursed with an eerie intuitive ability: she sees a series of unique digits hovering above the foreheads of each person she encounters. Her earliest memories are marked by these numbers, but it takes her father's premature death for Maddie and her family to realize that these mysterious digits are actually death dates, and just like birthdays, everyone has one.

Forced by her alcoholic mother to use her ability to make extra money, Maddie identifies the quickly approaching death date of one client's young son, but because her ability only allows her to see the when and not the how, she's unable to offer any more insight. When the boy goes missing on that exact date, law enforcement turns to Maddie.

Soon, Maddie is entangled in a homicide investigation, and more young people disappear and are later found murdered. A suspect for the investigation, a target for the murderer, and attracting the attentions of a mysterious young admirer who may be connected to it all, Maddie's whole existence is about to be turned upside down. Can she right things before it's too late?"

Ok, ok, I know it says right there in the description that Maddie ends up part of a homicide investigation and a target for the murderer, but uh...it still caught me off guard what a thriller it was. I know, I know. Kept me on the edge of my seat, though! In fact (**spoiler alert!**) I was into it until the very end, when everything wrapped up superneatlyperfectly, and then I was like meh...that's a little Disney movie-esque for a book about a serial killer. Also, it killed me that when she got home at the end of the book and smelled the cigarette smoke, knowing full well that there's a serial killer following her around who smokes and has left cigarette butts at the scene of each crime, she decides that her mom has miraculously gotten out of rehab, rather than recognizing that hey, maybe the murderer got into my super unsecure house. Unforgivably dumb of her. Maddie, be a little less naive. (/spoileralert) Ignore my gripes, though, because really, it's a great book. I was a big fan of the character development, I thought the concept was super intriguing, and it's pretty intense and gripping. It's definitely worth a read!

The Grace Year - Kim Liggett

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"In Garner County, girls are told they have the power to lure grown men from their beds, to drive women mad with jealousy. They believe their very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That's why they're banished for their sixteenth year, to release their magic into the wild so they can return purified and ready for marriage.

But not all of them will make it home alive.

Sixteen-year-old Tierney James dreams of a better life -  a society that doesn't pit friend against friend or woman against woman - but as her own grace year draws near, she quickly realizes that it's not just the brutal elements they must fear. It's not even the poachers in the woods, men who are waiting for a chance to grab one of the girls in order to make a fortune on the black market. Their greatest threat may very well be each other.

With sharp gritty prose, The Grace Year is a story of survival and freedom, about fighting for what's right, no matter the cost, and finding home in the darkest of circumstances."

This book would be a great book to take camping, because it is intense.

Bahahahaha in tents. Get it?

Getting started, I got major Hunger Games/Handmaid's Tale vibes. Like if books could reproduce, this would be their baby. I loved both those books, so in my opinion that's a good thing. But if you hated either/both of them...consider yourself warned.

It takes a bit to establish the world, but before I could really even wrap my head around everything, it was off to the races. There were so many gut-punch moments, and just as many times where I got my hopes up only to have them smashed again. As the mystery of what happens during the grace year unfolded, I found myself reading on the edge of my seat, struggling to close the book anytime I needed to step away from reading and deal with real life. 

"In the county, everything they take away from us is a tiny death. But not here...the grace year is ours. This is the one place we can be free."

It is a mark of how terrible life in the county is that in spite of threat to life and limb, the grace year is still viewed as an opportunity for freedom. I mean sure, you literally might die, but at least there are no men to boss you around, treat you like shit, and abuse you. I think that realization was all the more powerful for me because of how often I saw my world in the pages of this book. It's dystopia...but it's real. The best (worst?) dystopias are, right?

This book was a roller coaster, equal parts inspirational and heartbreaking. You'll be thinking about it long after you read the last page.

House of Salt and Sorrows - Erin A. Craig

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Annaleigh lives a sheltered life at Highmoor, a manor by the sea, with her sisters, their father, and stepmother. Once they were twelve, but loneliness fills the grand halls now that four of the girls' lives have been cut short. Each death was more tragic than the last - the plague, a plummeting fall, a drowning, a slippery plunge - and there are whispers throughout the surrounding villages that the family is cursed by the gods.

Disturbed by a series of ghostly visions, Annaleigh becomes increasingly suspicious that the deaths were no accidents. Her sisters have been sneaking out every night to attend glittering balls, dancing until dawn in silk gowns and shimmering slippers, and Annaleigh isn't sure whether to try to stop them or to join their forbidden trysts. Because who - or what - are they really dancing with?

When Annaleigh's involvement with a mysterious stranger who has secrets of his own intensifies, it's a race to unravel the darkness that has fallen over her family - before it claims her next."

Are the Thaumas sisters cursed, or do they just have extraordinarily terrible luck? When Annaleigh gets suspicious that someone is actually murdering her sisters, it makes sense...after all, it seems wildly coincidental that their mother and then four sisters would just happen to all die, one right after the other...but who would want them dead?

As the book progresses, things don't get much clearer. If anything, things only get more muddled. Verity, Annaleigh's youngest sister, claims to have seen the ghosts of their older sisters, and now Annaleigh has started seeing them too. With every passing day, things around Highmoor get stranger. Her father and sisters are acting oddly, her childhood best friend seems to be hiding something, and she has a feeling the young man she met recently isn't being entirely truthful either. Annaleigh no longer knows who, or what, she can trust, but she has a feeling that if she doesn't figure it out soon, it will be too late. Can she piece things together in time?

This book was nothing like I expected, and while there are a couple things I wish had been done differently, most notably that the end had been a touch longer to truly do it justice, overall I thought it was an amazing read. The world-building was incredibly vivid, the atmosphere was mysterious and chilling, and from the first page to the last I was on the edge of my seat. There were a couple times where I thought I had everything figured out, only to make it another couple chapters and have my theory smashed. Even when I did start to unravel the mystery, I never could have imagined the full scope of was actually going on.

If you're like me and have vivid dreams, I would recommend not reading this right before bed, because my damn, it gave me some strange nightmares. Day or night, though, it's a great read.

One of Us is Next - Karen M. McManus

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Come on, Bayview, you know you've missed this.

A ton of copycat gossip apps have popped up since Simon died, but in the year since the Bayview four were cleared of his shocking death, no one's been able to fill the gossip void quite like he could. The problem is no one has the facts.

Until now.

This time it's not an app, though - it's a game.

Truth or dare.

Phoebe's the first target. If you choose not to play, it's a truth. And hers is dark.

Then comes Maeve, and she should know better - always choose the dare.

But by the time Knox is about to be tagged, things have gotten dangerous. The dares have become deadly, and if Maeve learned anything from Bronwyn last year, it's that they can't count on the police for help. Or protection.

Simon's gone, but someone's determined to keep his legacy at Bayview High alive. And this time, there's a whole new set of rules."

My reading experience with this book on three acts:

Act One - Let's take this slow. Read a chapter or two a day. Let the suspense build.

Act Two, maybe a day later - Ok, this book is incredible, but I'm only about halfway through. I am definitely not going to stay up late and finish this tonight.

Act Three, several hours later - Hot fuckin damn, that ending!

Bayview High is back on their bullshit, but something about this time is different. For one thing, Phoebe knows she didn't tell anyone her secret, and there's no reason the only other person who knew about it would either...so how did Simon's copycat find out? For another, why turn it into a game at all? Most of the dares are fairly tame, and isn't the whole point of a stunt like this to out people's shameful secrets? Then there's everything going on outside the game - Phoebe's sister suddenly acting out of character, Knox's boss getting repeated death threats, and a mysterious man showing up at the restaurant where they all hang out.

Maeve, who helped unravel everything that happened the year before, is sure she's onto something again when she stumbles across a web forum exactly like the one Simon used to post on before it got shut down. Is the copycat following in Simon's footsteps? Or is she just seeing what she wants to see? Only time will tell...but how much time do they have left?

WOO! Karen McManus can write a book, y'all. At one point I literally clutched my chest and gasped out loud. And there were so many times where I thought I had things all figured out, only to have another curveball lobbed at me. What a ride. If you haven't read One of Us is Lying, read it, then read this. If you have, then what are you waiting for? Read this!

Burn for Burn trilogy - Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's ring in 2020 with a review from a terrible trilogy, shall we? I promised a review of the full trilogy, and you'll get it, but before we dive in, content warning: This book centers pretty heavily around suicide and also touches on sexual assault, both in a way that is ludicrously casual and blase. I gave the first two books three stars, but honestly, if Goodreads allowed half stars it would have been lower. Overall, I'd rate the entire trilogy at about a 2.3. There are some good elements and there were opportunities to open a dialogue about some difficult topics that young people face, but instead.......it all kinda went off the rails.

Now...the administrative stuff. My rating for each book and the descriptions. Be warned: Spoilers ahead. Also be warned: This review is very stream-of-consciousness. I'm tired, and I'm tired of these books.

Burn for Burn:
⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

Postcard-perfect Jar Island is home to charming tourist shops, pristine beaches, amazing oceanfront homes—and three girls secretly plotting revenge.

KAT is sick and tired of being bullied by her former best friend.

LILLIA has always looked out for her little sister, so when she discovers that one of her guy friends has been secretly hooking up with her, she’s going to put a stop to it.

MARY is perpetually haunted by a traumatic event from years past, and the boy who’s responsible has yet to get what’s coming to him.

None of the girls can act on their revenge fantasies alone without being suspected. But together…anything is possible.

With an alliance in place, there will be no more “I wish I’d said…” or “If I could go back and do things differently...” These girls will show Jar Island that revenge is a dish best enjoyed together.

Fire with Fire:
⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

Lillia, Kat, and Mary had the perfect plan. Work together in secret to take down the people who wronged them. But things didn’t exactly go the way they’d hoped at the Homecoming Dance.

Not even close.

For now, it looks like they got away with it. All they have to do is move on and pick up the pieces, forget there ever was a pact. But it’s not easy, not when Reeve is still a total jerk and Rennie’s meaner than she ever was before.

And then there’s sweet little Mary…she knows there’s something seriously wrong with her. If she can’t control her anger, she’s sure that someone will get hurt even worse than Reeve was. Mary understands now that it’s not just that Reeve bullied her—it’s that he made her love him.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, burn for a burn. A broken heart for a broken heart. The girls are up to the task. They’ll make Reeve fall in love with Lillia and then they will crush him. It’s the only way he’ll learn.

It seems once a fire is lit, the only thing you can do is let it burn...

Ashes to Ashes:
⭐⭐

From the cover:

New Year's Eve ended with a bang and Mary, Kat and Lillia may not be prepared for what is to come.

After Rennie's death, Kat and Lillia try to put the pieces together of what happened to her. They both blame themselves. If Lillia hadn't left with Reeve... If Kat had only stayed with Rennie... Things could have been different. Now they will never be the same.

Only Mary knows the truth about that night. About what she is. She also knows the truth about Lillia and Reeve falling in love, about Reeve being happy when all he deserves is misery, just like the misery he caused her. Now their childish attempts at revenge are a thing of the past and Mary is out for blood. Will she leave anything in her wake or will all that remain be ashes?

💭      💭     💭

So...yeah. These books are a little bit of a soap opera. The "alliance" formed between the three girls is pretty flimsy, especially since it's clear pretty early on that Alex is a decent guy and for sure should not have been lumped in with Rennie, the actual worst person in existence, and Reeve, her evil twin in worstness. Which brings me to one of my issues with this trilogy: the character "development" is all over the place.

Reeve and Rennie are pretty firmly established in the first book as the worst kind of bullying garbage human, people who are horrible for no reason but to be horrible, controlling even with their friends, and basically treat everyone but each other like shit. Then you get toward the end of the second book, and there's a pretty hard pivot to try and make them, Reeve especially, sympathetic characters. I'm fully on board with there being two sides to every story, you never know what's going on in a person's life to make them who they are, etc, etc, etc...but you have to at least give GLIMPSES of the better side to someone's personality earlier on, otherwise I just don't buy it. Readers didn't see a different side to Reeve or Rennie...the authors created a whole new character and swapped them in for the old ones. Nah.

Beyond the sloppy character development, pretty much everything about this book was just...all over the place. It felt like multiple genres mashed into one, like there were so many ideas for the plot and the characters that instead of choosing a few and following them through, the authors decided to squeeze them all in. At the same time, the plot often moved at a glacial pace. The first two books were, for me, kind of like the book equivalent of the saying about passing a car wreck that's so bad, you want to look away but you can't. Things were so off the rails, that I couldn't help but want to keep reading, just to see how much nonsense could be stuffed into a book. I read the first two books out loud to my husband, and no lie, we would read together and crack up every time some bonkers thing was thrown in. This entertainment factor wasn't enough to keep my husband's interest, though, so I read the third book by myself, and oof, I'm glad it did, because it was...bad.

Remember the content warning from the beginning about suicide. Yeah, the third book is rough and does an incredibly shitty job of handling discussion about suicide. We're going to get into it now, so for real, CONTENT WARNING. Please do not read this (both my review and this ridiculous trilogy) if suicide is a trigger for you.

For starters, you find out at the end of the second book that Mary, the character who had attempted suicide, actually completed suicide and is, in fact, a ghost. A ghost, we learn, who didn't actually intend to die by suicide...she was just mad at Reeve for being a dick and wanted to make him feel bad, so she was going to *pretend* to attempt suicide, I guess? (this whole plotline gets a yike from me). Then, because Mary is still so furious at Reeve for taking her life away from her, she spends most of the third book trying to force Reeve to also die by suicide. (Let's award another few yikes for that!) And finally, we get to the last chapter, where Mary first forces Reeve to slit his wrists (YIKES) and then immediately realizes that it wasn't Reeve's fault she died, it was hers! She was the one who made the decision to attempt suicide, so she was the one who bore the guilt of ending her life (YIKES YIKES YIKES YOU GUYS!) It's all bad. It's so bad. No.

Honestly, if I hadn't used Ashes to Ashes as a #FirstPageFriday, I would never have finished it. Looking back, I should have stopped reading it and just said in the review that I couldn't finish it, but in case it took a turn for the better, I didn't want to judge it too harshly without actually knowing how it ended. I should have figured, after the first two books, shit wasn't going to suddenly improve, but you know...gotta hope for the best, I guess. Lesson learned. 10/10, don't read this trilogy. If you want something by Jenny Han, read To All the Boys I've Loved Before. Watch the movie too, while you're at it. I've never read anything else by Siobhan Vivian, but if you have and you enjoyed it, let me know. I'll give it a shot. For now, I'll be on the hunt for a palate cleanser. Too bad I already reread Fangirl, aka, the most perfect book of all time.

They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today.

Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day."

Mateo and Rufus are going to die today. They both received a call from Death-Cast, and Death-Cast is never wrong. 

Mateo, plagued by anxiety and paranoia, wants to spend his last hours on earth saying goodbye to his best friend and her baby, visiting the hospital where his father is in a coma, and leaving some kind of mark on the world. He wants to...but instead he finds himself still locked away in his apartment three hours after receiving the call, afraid to venture into the outside world.

Rufus, who received the call in the middle of pummeling his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, narrowly avoids being arrested for the assault during an impromptu funeral with his foster parents and best friends. Now, alone in the world with less than 24 hours left to live and unable to go home, he isn't sure what to do.

Enter the Last Friend app. After several depressing, sketchy, and disappointing interactions, both Mateo and Rufus are ready to give up on the app. Mateo gives it one last shot, though, contacting Rufus who, with understandable reluctance, agrees to pick Mateo up at his apartment so the pair can begin living their last day to its fullest. But what begins as a partnership of convenience between two dying teenagers quickly blossoms into something more. Mateo inspires Rufus with his kindness and gentle spirit, and Rufus pushes Mateo to take risks, put himself out there, and do the things that he has always been too afraid to try. 

This book is both heartbreaking and beautiful. The relationship that blossoms between Mateo and Rufus warmed my heart, and the way their lives intertwined with the many side characters introduced throughout the story was both fascinating and inspiring. Given less than 24 hours to live, most of us would think, understandably, that this is far from enough time to leave our marks on the world. What this book shows us, however, is that what we see as tiny actions can have a huge ripple effect. They Both Die at the End reminds us that simple acts can have a vast impact. 

The Day Tajon Got Shot - Beacon House

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Meet Tajon.

Tajon is sixteen and black.
He's tall and skinny, and he wears his hair in dreads.
Tajon works hard and tries his best to be good.
He does OK in school. He has plans.
He's determined.

Tajon is the kind of son who cares about his family.
He's the kind of brother who stands up for his sister.
He's the kind of kid who dreams big dreams to get himself and
those he loves up and out of the hood.

Tajon is the one who gets shot.

Meet the authors.
Ten black teen girls in Washington, DC started writing this book during the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement. They began with one central question: What really happens in a community when a black youth is the victim of violence by police? Each writer takes on the perspective of a central character - the victim, the police officer, the witness, the parent, the friend - and examines how it feels to be a human being on all sides of this event. Their stories thoughtfully explore issues of race, violence, loyalty, and justice in a community torn apart but seeking connection."

This book is important, and not just because of the topic. Books like The Hate U Give, All American Boys, How It Went Down, etc. are all valuable, and if you have the time and inclination I recommend reading all of them. Before you do, though, I suggest you get your hands on a copy of this book--legit, ask me, I will lend you mine.

Why should this be number one on your to read list? First things first, because it was written by a group of teenage girls. If that knowledge doesn't hit you like a punch in the gut with every word you read, then you just might be missing a heart. Think about what they must be going through to be able to produce something like this. These girls worked together to examine all sides of the epidemic of police violence toward black people in a thoughtful, emotional, and powerful way, and I was blown away with every page. As if that's not enough, they brought each character to life, and I caught myself holding my breath multiple times as I read. Finally, the artwork incorporated into the story added even more depth. This book is a work of art. And page 151, man...I don't think I've ever reacted so strongly to a book before. 

Final reason to read this? Jason freaking Reynolds tweeted that people needed to read it. Jason Reynolds, guys. If you don't want to take my word for it, take his. I promise you, he's right.

Solo - Kwame Alexander

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"When the heart gets lost, let the music find you.

Blade never asked for a life of the rich and famous. In fact, he’d give anything not to be the son of Rutherford Morrison, a washed-up rock star and drug addict with delusions of a comeback. Or to no longer be part of a family known most for lost potential, failure, and tragedy. The one true light is his girlfriend, Chapel, but her parents have forbidden their relationship, assuming—like many—that Blade will become just like his father.

In reality, the only thing Blade has in common with Rutherford is the music that lives inside them. But not even the songs that flow through Blade’s soul are enough when he’s faced with two unimaginable realities: the threat of losing Chapel forever, and the revelation of a long-held family secret, one that leaves him questioning everything he thought was true. All that remains is a letter and a ticket to Ghana—both of which could bring Blade the freedom and love he’s been searching for, or leave him feeling even more adrift."

Incredibly short review alert! 

I loved the incorporation of his songs into the audiobook, that was a fantastic addition. I also enjoyed the message that it's about the journey, not about the destination. I docked a star because the transitions were a little jarring at times and parts of the story progressed in fast forward--I would have liked more detail. That aside, though, this was a fantastic book. Enjoy the journey.

Dear Martin - Nic Stone

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone joins industry giants Jason Reynolds and Walter Dean Myers as she boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning debut.

Justyce McAllister is top of his class and set for the Ivy League—but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. And despite leaving his rough neighborhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates. Justyce looks to the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for answers. But do they hold up anymore? He starts a journal to Dr. King to find out.

Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up—way up, sparking the fury of a white off-duty cop beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. Justyce and Manny are caught in the crosshairs. In the media fallout, it's Justyce who is under attack."

I'm getting very behind in writing reviews, so disclaimer: they're gonna be short and sweet until I get caught up.

I read this the weekend that Childish Gambino's "This is America" music video came out, so I got to the most intense part of this book and watched the music video within an hour or so of each other. Fuuuuuuuuck. Can't get either one out of my head. After things went down during Justyce and Manny's car ride, I felt viscerally angry when stories on the news came out trying to paint Justyce as a thug and when the defense attorney in the police officer's trial brought up things unrelated to the shooting, trying to make it sound like Manny deserved what he got. Excellent job, Nic Stone, on writing a book that makes the reader feel so fired up. Justyce's emotions really came through, and the injustice going on throughout the book made me furious. The only downside I found listening to the audiobook, and the reason I only gave it four stars, is that format of the book didn't always lend itself to being read aloud. There were points where the story felt stilted or abrupt, and I wonder if that was because of the format. Definitely planning to read the physical book and see if it flows a little better...which in all honesty is not a downside. It was an excellent book, and I'm looking forward to reading it again and hopefully bumping this review up to a five-star.

A Conspiracy of Stars - Olivia A. Cole

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Octavia has only ever had one goal: to follow in the footsteps of her parents and become a prestigious whitecoat, one of the scientists who study the natural wonders of Faloiv. The secrets of the jungle’s exotic plants and animals are protected fiercely in the labs by the Council of N’Terra, so when the rules suddenly change, allowing students inside, Octavia should be overjoyed.

But something isn’t right. The newly elected leader of the Council has some extremist views about the way he believes N’Terra should be run, and he’s influencing others to follow him. When Octavia witnesses one of the Faloii—the indigenous people of Faloiv—attacked in front of her in the dark of night, she knows the Council is hiding something. They are living in separate worlds on a shared planet, and their fragile peace may soon turn into an all-out war.

With the help of Rondo, a quiet boy in class with a skill for hacking, and her inquisitive best friend, Alma, Octavia is set on a collision course to discover the secrets behind the history she’s been taught, the science she’s lived by, and the truth about her family."

This book was ok, but nothing mindblowing. Like the cover blurb says, all Octavia has ever wanted is to follow the path of her parents and become a scientist of Faloiv, the planet humanity has lived on since past generations destroyed Earth. Then an encounter at the end of the first chapter with a philax, a bird native to Faloiv, leads Octavia to the realization that something about her is not normal...her senses seem more heightened than everyone else's, and most importantly, she has begun to feel things--namely, the emotions of the animals around her. It's a lot harder to be excited about her unexpected internship studying the mammals of this strange planet when she can feel the panic and terror of the animals being studied, and Octavia can't stop wondering...what has caused her to have these experiences? And does it have something to do with the rising tension between Octavia's parents? The mysterious plans of Doctor Albatur, the head of their Council? 

I'm not opposed to the slow build as a storytelling technique, but this book took it a little far. We find out about Octavia and her strange telepathic talents early on, and though the search for answers begins, all we get are more questions. What is Doctor Albatur planning? Why are her parents increasingly at each other's throats? Why did she see her dad helping to drag a kidnapped Faloii into the labs? What happened to the hundred people who went missing after the Vagantur landed on Faloiv? The book is 418 pages long, and the reader doesn't start to get real answers until page 320. After that, the story develops pretty quickly and finally ends on a giant cliffhanger. I could almost forgive the slow development if this were part of a series, but...is it? I couldn't find anything about a sequel, but who knows, maybe it's in the work. Anyway, regardless, while I didn't dislike this book, spending 300+ pages building suspense and then basically infodumping everything in the last <100 pages is frustrating for me as a reader. Give me more breadcrumbs along the way to keep me interested.

How to Breathe Underwater - Vicky Skinner

My rating: ⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Kate’s father has been pressuring her to be perfect for her whole life, pushing her to be the best swimmer she can be. But when Kate finds her dad cheating on her mom, Kate’s perfect world comes crashing down, and Kate is forced to leave home and the swim team she's been a part of her whole life.

Now in a new home, new school, and faced with the prospect of starting over, Kate isn't so sure that swimming is what she wants anymore. But when she decides to quit, her whole world seems to fall apart. But when Kate gets to know Michael, the cute boy that lives across the hall, she starts to think that starting over might not be so bad. There's only one problem: Michael has a girlfriend.

As the pressures of love, family, and success press down on her, can Kate keep her head above water?"

While there were small portions of this that I enjoyed, I think my favorite thing about it was that it was short enough to finish reading in a few hours on my plane ride to Washington DC. Just reading the synopsis clues you in on what the book will be like--kind of choppy, not always very well thought out, and a little repetitive. 

This book had a lot going on. Kate's dad cheats on her mom, resulting in chapter one: Kate moves to Portland with her mom. In the aftermath of The Affair, we get Kate despising her dad and quitting swimming because everything good about it is now outweighed by the bad. We also see Kate alternately worrying about her mom and her mom basically not existing, Kate helping her sister leave her husband-to-be at the alter and then watching her obviously struggle with depression. We meet Michael and learn about his mom's bad health. We discover, after Kate has fallen hard in a matter of minutes for him, that Michael is dating Patrice, *gasp* one of the two girls Kate met in her first five minutes at school and almost immediately became best friends with. After this revelation, we are repeatedly treated to Kate's conflicting emotions over wanting to be friends with Patrice versus wanting to be with Michael...although if we're being real, this is more Kate lamenting the fact that Patrice is dating Michael so she can't be. Finally, throughout the book, we are witness to Kate struggling to keep her relationship with her long-time best friend alive after it immediately fell apart the second she moved. With so many big conflicts, there wasn't enough time to devote to all of it, and it left everything feeling rushed and under-developed. 

Then, of course, there's Kate being the shittiest friend ever. After she meets Patrice, the reader is treated to multiple references to how unbelievably kind she is. Kate not only finds out Patrice is dating Michael, she later learns from Michael's best friend that the poor girl has been into him for basically her whole life. Then Michael dumps Patrice after she stays with him all night at the hospital and within a matter of hours declares his feelings for Kate and makes out with her in his kitchen. Later that day, Kate spends time with Patrice and sees how upset she is. She tells Michael about it, and Michael says that they can wait a bit to start dating if Kate thinks it would be better for Patrice. Kate, in true amazing friend form, is like, "nah, dude, why should I wait to spare my friend's feelings? Let's do this thing." Like.......are we supposed to feel bad for her when Patrice calls her out and everyone is being mean to her? I do feel bad for her when the swim team calls her a slut, because that's pretty much always a fucked up thing to do to someone, but beyond that...Kate was a total dick. She kinda had it coming.

Next up...Michael being described as "too nice" to break up with Patrice even though he didn't have, and had never had, feelings for her, as though this makes him some kind of fucking white knight. Ugh. Just no. It's not a nice thing to agree to go out with someone that you don't like. It's not nice to continue dating them so you can use them when you're bummed out about your mom and ignore them the rest of the time. It's not nice to not break up with someone that you don't care about to spare their feelings. Nothing about that situation made him a nice guy, and it floors me that Kate was privy to Patrice's side of their relationship and didn't have a problem with it. What's more, I think the book would have been better without the needless, forced bit of love triangle drama. Why must we constantly pit two girls against each other in a quest for the same guy? Why is this such a go-to conflict? Be more creative.

I could go on and on about the things in this book that got under my skin, but it feels like overkill. At the end of the day...I was intrigued by the premise of this book, but it squandered its potential. With so many amazing books out there, this one is lackluster. There are better options out there. Read one of those.