TBR - Polyamorous Reads

Joel and I were talking a little while back about my least favorite plot devices, and at first I couldn't think of anything that I really disliked. Then it came to me...love triangles. I mean, I get it that sometimes you like two people and you're like I don't know, which do I like more? But it gets tricky because every time I read a love triangle, it goes one of two ways. 

Way the first: One of the people is trash, and the other is obviously the one the author wants the main character to end up with. In these situations, why even have a love triangle? It's 2021, y'all, we don't need to waste our valuable time, energy, and emotions on garbage humans. 

Way the second: Both of the people are amazing, the main character clearly has strong feelings for both, and it feels like an impossible decision to choose between the two. Examples: Tessa, Will, and Jem in The Infernal Devices; Lara Jean's feelings for both Peter and John Ambrose in To All the Boys I've Loved Before. In these situations (particularly the first, because SPOILER ALERT, all three were pretty obviously in love with each other), it seems clear that the answer is not forcing a character to choose between love interests at all but actually going with secret option number three: polyamory.

Talking about all this with Joel, I realized that while I read a lot of queer fiction, I have never read a book with (openly) polyamorous characters in it! This is a travesty and something that I need to remedy immediately, so for my inaugural Tuesday Book Recs post, I invite you to join me in checking out some of these polyamorous reads. 

(Descriptions adapted from Goodreads)

1. An Accident of Stars by Foz Meadows

Saffron Coulter is an accidental worldwalker who finds herself trapped in Kena, a magic realm on the brink of civil war, after unwittingly traveling through a hole in reality. Once there, her life becomes entwined with those of three local women, and she finds herself tied to the women and to the fate of Kena in ways she never could have imagined.

2. Ascension by Jacqueline Koyanagi

When Alana Quick, struggling sky surgeon, stows away aboard the Tangled Axon, she quickly discovers that the cargo vessel is more than meets the eye. With her sister, Nova, being pursued by someone who will stop at nothing to capture her, Alana must find a way to make it work with the...unconventional...crew, establish her place on the ship, and protect her sister at all costs.

3. The Compass Rose by Gail Dayton

Captain Kallista Varyl, like the rest of her people, believes the Godstruck are mere legends. Until, that is, she calls upon the One for aid and is imbued with abilities that haven't been seen in centuries. Now she must master her new Godstruck power, learn how to unlock the secrets of the Compass Rose, and protect her nation from powerful enemies - alone.

4. The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin

On the day the world ended, Essun returned home to find her son brutally murdered at the hands of her husband and her daughter kidnapped. What's more, the Sanze, a world-spanning empire, has collapsed, and a great rift has torn across the heart of the continent, spewing ash that darkens the sky. Now Essun will stop at nothing, even as the world crumbles around her, to rescue her daughter.

5. Inda by Sherwood Smith

Indevan is the second son born to a powerful prince who grows up believing his role will be to remain at home and defend his family's castle. Then war threatens and Inda is sent to the Royal Academy, where he learns not only about the arts of war but discovers that danger doesn't always come from the outside.

6. Love You Two by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli

While Pina's friends envy her life with her free-spirited parents, sometimes Pina has to wonder who is raising whom, her or her mother? When she discovers some devastating information about her family, everything she thought she knew about life and love falls apart. Will her family survive her discovery?

7. Luster by Raven Leilani

Edie is an artist trying to find her place in the art world. When she finds herself unemployed and living with Eric, a digital archivist, and his family, she must learn how to navigate not only the complexity of relationships but also a tentative friendship with his wife and becoming a role model for his daughter.

Bonus books:

Adaptation by Malinda Lo

Reese and her crush/debate partner are driving home from Arizona to San Francisco when they are in an accident. They wake up in a military hospital almost a month later, and the doctors won't tell them what happened or where they are. After returning home, only one thing is clear to Reese: she's different. Note: This is a duology, and the polyamory is introduced in the second book.

Kynship by Daniel Heath Justice (3rd book)

The Everland is a world of ancient mystery and shadow inhabited by the Kyn and other Folk. After a thousand years since the last clash between the world of Men and the world of the Folk, the Everland is under siege once more. As the leaders of the Folk strategize how to protect their land against attack, Kyn warrior Tarsa'deshae, exiled after an act of courage goes awry, grapples with her new calling as a Wielder and finds herself swept up in the world of political and spiritual intrigue and the debate between continuing to embrace the old ways or surrendering to the new ways of Men. Can Tarsa'deshae help the council heal her ravaged, wounded world? Note: This is a trilogy, and the polyamory is introduced in the third book.

Red, White & Royal Blue - Final thoughts

 My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"When his mother became President of the United States, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius - his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with an actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex/Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse.

Heads of family and state and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: Stage a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instagrammable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the presidential campaign and upend two nations. It raises the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to be? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through?"

Before we get started, I've got to qualify my rating a bit. I would rate about the first 150 pages of this at three, but the last half is a solid five, and so...here we are at four. My biggest wish for the start of the book is that the rivalry between Alex and Henry was better. Obviously it couldn't be anything gigantic, otherwise it would have been pretty unbelievable that the pair would develop feelings for each other, but it swung way too far the other direction and was less a "beef" between rivals and more a secret one-sided dislike because as teenagers Henry was a little rude to Alex once. Not the most compelling start to a story. It didn't hook me.

That said, if you can move past that weak rivalry tea and press on, I ended up shipping Alex and Henry hard (also June and Nora, but that's a blog post for another day, I suppose). Honestly, I would read 400+ pages JUST of Alex and Henry's emails. Most of my biggest laughs came either from those exchanges or their texts earlier on, and their email postscripts never failed to leave me teary-eyed. I also bawled for like the last 75 pages of the book, which...granted, I am known to cry at a book, but not usually that excessively. 

I don't even know what to say about why this story got me so far into my feels, beyond that the relationships Casey McQuiston developed were beautiful. Whether its Henry and Alex fighting for each other or their loved ones positioned fiercely at their backs no matter what, I am here for all of it. It was also strangely uplifting to spend some time in this alternate reality in which the US didn't elect a fascist garbage human as President and instead went with the candidate who had the best interests not only of the country but also of her family at heart. In her acknowledgements, McQuiston admits that after the 2016 election she gave up on writing the book for months, and I'm so glad she ultimately decided to keep going. This book was a much-needed reminder for me that even when things feel hopeless, there are people who genuinely care and want what's best for their country and the people around them. 

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

From the cover:

"When his mother became President of the United States, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius - his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with an actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex/Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse.

Heads of family and state and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: Stage a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instagrammable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the presidential campaign and upend two nations. It raises the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to be? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through?"

This is a bit of an unusual blog post because today I'm not reviewing a book I've already read, I'm sharing a book I WANT to read! Why? Uh...because! This is a book that I have been waiting to read for quite some time, and I badly wanted to have a review ready to go for today. That wasn't in the cards, but I decided hey, there are no rules! I can still talk about it! So, here we go.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. What is it that drew me to this book? First and foremost, a lovely friend and former colleague of mine with whom I love to talk books recommended it to me. Both of us enjoy Young Adult fiction, and we are particular fans of LGBTQIA stories, so when he shared this book with me, I was pretty much already like alright, I don't even need to know anything else about it. Basically an LGBTQIA version of First Daughter or Chasing Liberty? Hello, nostalgia - I'm in. I added my name to the wait list at my library and settled in to wait.

While I waited, Red, White & Royal Blue kept popping up on book lists, so I read a little more about it here and there, I started following the author on social media, and I discovered that there is a bot account on Twitter that tweets random lines from the book! I may very well have spoiled myself without realizing it at some point, but reading some of those one-liners really whet my appetite for the book. 

Finally, there's the cover. I don't know what it is, but sometimes I see a book cover and am like I. Need. That. Often it happens without knowing anything about a book at all - I just see the cover and something irresistible inside me says "read that book." It happened with Emergency Contact, for instance. Literally knew nothing about the book, had never heard of it or of Mary H.K. Choi, but I saw the book when I was working in our teen section one day and could not get it out of my head. Granted, with this book I knew a little bit about it, but still. I saw the cover, and something about it made my brain or my heart, whichever makes my book-reading decisions (both?) latch onto it. It isn't even a choice at this point, really, I'll never be able to rest if I don't read it! 😉

So...there you have it. I'll be starting Red, White & Royal Blue today, and I cannot wait! (Side note: If you are friends with me on Goodreads, please don't look at my "currently reading" list after seeing that. I may or may not be concurrently reading too many books right now, but I can't help it.) Maybe I'll update when I finish to let you know if it lived up to my internal hype. In the meantime, what are you looking forward to reading?

Invisible Monsters - Chuck Palahniuk

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

"She's a catwalk model who has everything: a boyfriend, a career, a loyal best friend. But when a sudden motor 'accident' leaves her disfigured and incapable of speech, she goes from being the beautiful centre of attention to being an invisible monster, so hideous that no one will acknowledge she exists.

Enter Brandy Alexander, Queen Supreme, one operation away from being a real woman, who will teach her that reinventing yourself means erasing your past and making up something better, and that salvation hides in the last place you'll ever want to look.

The narrator must exact revenge upon Evie, her best friend and fellow model; kidnap Manus, her two-timing ex-boyfriend; and hit the road with Brandy in search of a brand-new past, present and future."

WHEW, y'all, this book is a RIDE. There are two options for reading, the originally published version or the remix, which is the way Palahniuk wanted to publish it. The remix bounces around, having you turn to different chapters rather than reading linearly, and I loved it. Usually when I read, I get a mix of excitement and almost apprehension as I see the pages in the back of the book dwindling, because I can't wait to find out what happens, but also noooo, it's almost over! With the structure of this book, there was none of that. You're bouncing back and forth, all over the place, so there's no visual progress marker. I didn't expect that to have such an impact on my reading experience, but it did! Fascinating, the way brains work.

As far as the content of the book...man, I don't even know how to talk about it. It's so weird, and there are endless twists and turns. Every chapter has some kind of reveal, and the reader gets enough bits and pieces of backstory that they start to feel like they're figuring things out, and then BAM! Something else pops up that blows your mind. This is not my typical read, and honestly based on my previous experience with Palahniuk I did not go into it with high hopes or an open mind - I fully expected to slog through it and be like "meh, that was ok." Instead, I couldn't put it down. Such a strange, fantastic read.

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Simon Snow is the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen.

That's what his roommate, Baz, says. And Baz might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right.

Half the time, Simon can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he starts something on fire. His mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around, wearing Simon's face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here — it's their last year at the Watford School of Magicks, and Simon's infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up.

Carry On - The Rise and Fall of Simon Snow is a ghost story, a love story and a mystery. It has just as much kissing and talking as you'd expect from a Rainbow Rowell story - but far, far more monsters."

For those of you who have not read Fangirl, it goes hand-in-hand with this book (and is one of my favorite books of all time, but you know...this isn't a Fangirl review.). Fangirl is about fan fiction writer, Cath, who is a diehard fan of the Simon Snow series and...you ready for this?...wrote the fanfic that is Carry On. I mean, look, Rainbow Rowell says it shouldn't be considered a work of fanfic by Cath, but let's be real...that's what it is. And it's also pretty clearly inspired by Harry Potter, which makes this all so meta and cool.

Anyway. Let's talk about the book itself. For starters, I'm going to share a quote from right after Simon admits to Baz that he tries not to think about anything, because thinking about things you can't have or help is too painful.

"You're the most powerful magician alive - who's ever lived, probably. You can have anything you want. How is it pointless for you to think about that?"

Snow pushes up on both elbows and lets his head fall in my direction. "Because it doesn't matter. In the end, I just do what's expected of me. When the Humdrum comes after me, I fight him. When he sends dragons, I kill them. When you trick me into meeting a chimera, I go off. I don't get to choose or plan. I just take it as it comes. And someday, something will catch me unawares or be too big to fight, but I'll fight anyway. I'll fight until I can't anymore - what is there to think about?" 

This book is so funny, and Simon is such a physical, act first and think later character that it can be easy to forget the weight and expectations that he carries around with him and start to believe that he really does go through life without thinking about anything going on. Really, Simon is just a kid who had impossible expectations placed on him at a young age and only wants to live a normal life. I want to squeeze him and tell him everything will be ok.

Another quote, this one from Baz after he and Simon have teamed up to solve their mystery.

"I didn't expect to mend any fences with all this...co-operating. I didn't expect to convince or convert Snow. But I thought we were making progress. Like, maybe when this was all over, he and I would still be standing on either side of the trench, but we wouldn't be spitting at each other. We wouldn't be spoiling for the fight. I know Simon and I will always be enemies...But I thought maybe we'd get to a point where we didn't want to be."

Baz is so cool and unruffled on the surface, and he seems not to feel or care about anything, but there is so much going on under the surface. And Rowell is so great at including little details throughout the book that give readers insight into who here characters are. I love it. At first blush, this book seems straightforward, fun, maybe a little lighthearted...but it's so much deeper than that. It's really a beautiful book!

They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today.

Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day."

Mateo and Rufus are going to die today. They both received a call from Death-Cast, and Death-Cast is never wrong. 

Mateo, plagued by anxiety and paranoia, wants to spend his last hours on earth saying goodbye to his best friend and her baby, visiting the hospital where his father is in a coma, and leaving some kind of mark on the world. He wants to...but instead he finds himself still locked away in his apartment three hours after receiving the call, afraid to venture into the outside world.

Rufus, who received the call in the middle of pummeling his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, narrowly avoids being arrested for the assault during an impromptu funeral with his foster parents and best friends. Now, alone in the world with less than 24 hours left to live and unable to go home, he isn't sure what to do.

Enter the Last Friend app. After several depressing, sketchy, and disappointing interactions, both Mateo and Rufus are ready to give up on the app. Mateo gives it one last shot, though, contacting Rufus who, with understandable reluctance, agrees to pick Mateo up at his apartment so the pair can begin living their last day to its fullest. But what begins as a partnership of convenience between two dying teenagers quickly blossoms into something more. Mateo inspires Rufus with his kindness and gentle spirit, and Rufus pushes Mateo to take risks, put himself out there, and do the things that he has always been too afraid to try. 

This book is both heartbreaking and beautiful. The relationship that blossoms between Mateo and Rufus warmed my heart, and the way their lives intertwined with the many side characters introduced throughout the story was both fascinating and inspiring. Given less than 24 hours to live, most of us would think, understandably, that this is far from enough time to leave our marks on the world. What this book shows us, however, is that what we see as tiny actions can have a huge ripple effect. They Both Die at the End reminds us that simple acts can have a vast impact. 

Blanca & Roja - Anna-Marie McLemore

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"The biggest lie of all is the story you think you already know.

The del Cisne girls have never just been sisters; they’re also rivals, Blanca as obedient and graceful as Roja is vicious and manipulative. They know that, because of a generations-old spell, their family is bound to a bevy of swans deep in the woods. They know that, one day, the swans will pull them into a dangerous game that will leave one of them a girl, and trap the other in the body of a swan.

But when two local boys become drawn into the game, the swans’ spell intertwines with the strange and unpredictable magic lacing the woods, and all four of their fates depend on facing truths that could either save or destroy them. Blanca & Roja is the captivating story of sisters, friendship, love, hatred, and the price we pay to protect our hearts."

Blanca and Roja are sisters, born to a family line cursed to have two daughters only to have one taken by los cisnes, the swans, in the chosen daughter's fifteenth year. While they were born opposites, natural rivals, they refuse to accept that one day they will be parted. Instead, the pair does everything they can to make themselves as similar as possible, hoping to confuse los cisnes. "If the swans can't tell us apart," Blanca tells her sister, "they can't decide which of us to take." When the time that a sister is usually taken has passed, Blanca and Roja start to believe they have succeeded...until, finally, the swans appear. 

The sisters are left alone in their house while los cisnes decide who they will take. Roja, with her bloodred hair and sharp edges, knows it is she who will be taken, but when she is attacked while confronting the swans, a bear comes from the woods to save her. The bear, however, is not what it seems--not a bear at all, but a boy from town named Barclay, who had gone missing not long before. Suddenly the sisters find their fates entwined with those of Barclay and his best friend, Page. Will los cisnes succeed in dividing the sisters forever? Or will the bonds being built between this foursome be enough to break the spell, free the sisters, and release Barclay and Page from their own prisons?

While I did dock a star because the narrative was difficult to follow at times, overall I thought this book was amazing. The characters were well developed, and it was fascinating to read about the del Cisne family traditions and experience this fairytale from a new cultural perspective. I especially love watching Roja, Blanca, Barclay, and Page evolve after the boys come into the sisters' lives and their relationships develop. This was such a unique reading experience, and if you're a fan of fantasy, fairytale retellings, #ownvoices stories...pick this title up.

Quiver - Julia Watts

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Libby is the oldest child of six, going on seven, in a family that adheres to the "quiverfull" lifestyle: strict evangelical Christians who believe that they should have as many children as God allows because children are like arrows in the quiver of "God's righteous warriors." Like the other families who adhere to this philosophy, Libby's family regards the father as the "Christian patriarch" and leader and the mother as the "helpmeet" who gives birth to, cares for, and homeschools the children. 

Meanwhile, Zo is the gender fluid offspring of Libby's new neighbors who have moved to the country from Knoxville in hopes of living a slower-paced, more natural life. 

Zo and hir family are as far to the left ideologically as Libby's family is to the right, and yet Libby and Zo, who are the same age, feel a connection that leads them to friendship—a friendship that seems doomed from the start because of their families' differences."

Libby Hazlett and Zo Forrester meet when Zo and hir family move to the farm next door to Libby's after the property had been empty for more than a year. The Hazlett family is fairly sheltered, primarily spending time with each other and with members of their church congregation, so right away Libby finds herself intrigued by the new family and, in particular, Zo. 

The two families have radically different ideologies--Libby's father is a strict disciplinarian, unwavering in his ultra conservative principles, while Zo's parents are liberal and much more relaxed in their parenting style. As it turns out, though, they also have a lot in common, and everyone seems to hit it off...until, that is, their fathers getting into an argument at an ice cream party and Mr. Hazlett decides that his family will no longer associate with the Forresters. 

Alas, the damage Mr. Hazlett fears has already been done. Spending time with Zo has gotten Libby thinking, and it turns out she may not be as content with her life as she previously convinced herself. Will she risk angering her father and turning her back on the God she is supposed to believe in to continue her friendship with Zo, or will she bend to her father's will and allow things to return to how they used to be?

This book is like nothing I have ever read. Coming from a family who, while not evangelical Christians, were close enough for some of Libby's experiences to hit close to home made this a difficult read, but seeing Libby and Zo learn more about each other, grow closer, and take the time to understand the other's perspective was worth the discomfort. I felt connected to both of them right away, and watching them grow throughout the book warmed my heart. Not only that, but I found myself unexpectedly tugged into the friendship between their two mothers, rooting for Mrs. Hazlett's happiness as she struggled through a difficult pregnancy and, after their husbands' fight, losing her new friend. Julia Watts did a remarkable job bringing the Hazlett and Forrester families to life, and if you're looking for a book that allows you to experience worlds you aren't familiar with, I can't recommend Quiver strongly enough.

Leah on the Offbeat - Becky Albertalli

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Leah Burke—girl-band drummer, master of deadpan, and Simon Spier’s best friend from the award-winning Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda—takes center stage in this novel of first love and senior-year angst.

When it comes to drumming, Leah Burke is usually on beat—but real life isn’t always so rhythmic. An anomaly in her friend group, she’s the only child of a young, single mom, and her life is decidedly less privileged. She loves to draw but is too self-conscious to show it. And even though her mom knows she’s bisexual, she hasn’t mustered the courage to tell her friends—not even her openly gay BFF, Simon.

So Leah really doesn’t know what to do when her rock-solid friend group starts to fracture in unexpected ways. With prom and college on the horizon, tensions are running high. It’s hard for Leah to strike the right note while the people she loves are fighting—especially when she realizes she might love one of them more than she ever intended."

Leah Burke is my filthy-mouthed high school BFF soul mate. I started this book after I came home from work a couple days ago and finished it before I went in for work the next day. It was hard to put down, and honestly I would have finished it faster, except I kept stopping to text my sister my favorite Leah one-liners. This book is hilarious. 

Those of you who weren't fans of Leah in Simon Vs. may not dig this one, but if you were down with her in the first book and want more of their world, pick this up. It had its flaws--mainly, for me, dragging out the drama between Leah and Abby too long and then hastily wrapping all the conflict in an epilogue--but hot damn, it will hook you and keep you giggling. It's a good read.

Ramona Blue - Julie Murphy

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Ramona was only five years old when Hurricane Katrina changed her life forever.

Since then, it’s been Ramona and her family against the world. Standing over six feet tall with unmistakable blue hair, Ramona is sure of three things: she likes girls, she’s fiercely devoted to her family, and she knows she’s destined for something bigger than the trailer she calls home in Eulogy, Mississippi. But juggling multiple jobs, her flaky mom, and her well-meaning but ineffectual dad forces her to be the adult of the family. Now, with her sister, Hattie, pregnant, responsibility weighs more heavily than ever.

The return of her childhood friend Freddie brings a welcome distraction. Ramona’s friendship with the former competitive swimmer picks up exactly where it left off, and soon he’s talked her into joining him for laps at the pool. But as Ramona falls in love with swimming, her feelings for Freddie begin to shift too, which is the last thing she expected. With her growing affection for Freddie making her question her sexual identity, Ramona begins to wonder if perhaps she likes girls and guys or if this new attraction is just a fluke. Either way, Ramona will discover that, for her, life and love are more fluid than they seem."

This book was nothing like I expected, but everything I needed. On the surface, it's a pretty straightforward story of every day life for a high school senior. But it's also a story about challenging our self-assumptions and not placing too much stock in the things we feel define us. Ramona is pretty sure she knows who she is, what she wants, and where her life is going, but when her childhood friend Freddie moves to Eulogy, everything she thought she knew gets turned upside down. She resists admitting to herself that things have changed because if they do...what does that make her? Where does it leave her? With all the upheaval in her life, Ramona has to decide if sticking to the plans she made and staying true to the labels she has assigned herself is worth sacrificing things she'd never let herself consider within her reach. 

Four-Letter Word - Christa Desir

My rating: ⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Eight friends. One game. A dozen regrets. And a night that will ruin them all, in this high stakes gripping story of manipulation and innocence lost, from the author of Bleed Like Me.

Chloe Sanders has wasted the better part of her junior year watching her best friend Eve turn away from her for the more interesting and popular Holly Reed. Living with her grandparents because her parents are currently serving as overseas volunteers, Chloe spends her days crushing on a dark-haired guy named Mateo, being mostly ignored by Eve and Holly, and wishing the cornfields of Iowa didn’t feel so incredibly lonely.

But shortly after spring break, a new girl transfers to her high school—Chloe Donnelly. This Chloe is bold and arty and instantly placed on a pedestal by Eve and Holly. Now suddenly everyone is referring to Chloe Sanders as “Other Chloe” and her social status plummets even more.

Until Chloe Donnelly introduces all her friends to a dangerous game: a girls vs. guys challenge that only has one rule—obtain information by any means necessary. All the warning bells are going off in Other Chloe’s head about the game, but she’s not about to commit social suicide by saying no to playing.

Turns out the game is more complicated than Other Chloe thinks. Chloe Donnelly hates to lose. She's got power over everyone—secrets she’s exploiting—and she likes to yank their strings. Only soft-spoken Mateo is sick of it, and when the game turns nasty, he chooses Other Chloe to help him expose everything Chloe Donnelly has done. But neither realize just how much the truth could cost them in the end."

The blurb from the cover is a pretty accurate description of the book...the plot centers around this group of eight students playing multiple games of Gestapo, things progressively getting more tense until everything blows up, Chloe Donnelly ends up missing, and the other seven teens are implicated in her disappearance..dun dun dun! 

Obviously I did not enjoy this book, but good lord, where do I even begin? 

Main character Chloe is boring, sanctimonious, and incredibly judgmental. Even more irritatingly, most of her judgement is sandwiched in her self-pity over how everyone else is sooooo mean to her. Basically the entire book is her keeping up a running mental commentary of how useless and beneath her the people around her are, interspersed with self-satisfied reminders of how patient and tolerant she is. I don't understand if Desir wrote her as an unsympathetic character on purpose, but I couldn't stand her. Some particularly cringe examples of her awfulness:

"Eve smiled smugly as if she was the reason he'd agreed to play again, which I didn't believe for a second was the case. Chloe Donnelly must have talked him into it. Which meant she probably found out something about him. Or maybe they were hooking up on the sly, an she had him pussy-whipped or whatever that absolutely gross term was for when a guy did everything a girl said."

LMAO what?! Be a little more holier-than-thou in your feminism, right after throwing out the term "pussy-whipped" like you aren't sure you have it right.

"For a second I felt bad for him, for his small life filled with detention and post-lunch make-out sessions with his girlfriend. For his grudging promise to Holly of "no more girls" that made me wonder if he'd fooled around a lot and why. He was never going to leave Grinnell, no matter how often he took off in his car. High school was probably going to be the best time of his life. He'd be stuck in this town til he became like one of the old guys Pops hung out with at the farm store. Cam was nothing like his brother. All that wasted singing talent he'd never do anything with. Aiden would give up everything to get out of here, but not Cam. Too lazy or too defeated. It was sad, really. But before I could spend more time on the pity train, I shook myself and remembered how easily he dropped to his knees in front of Chloe Donnelly, and all my compassion stalled out."

Again, not sure if this is a deliberate choice on Desir's part or what, but holy shit, compassion? Is that compassion? Am I taking crazy pills? And finally...

"I sounded prudish and judgmental like the churchy girls who took "purity pictures" with their dads in this slightly gross way and then posted them online."

Providing the context for this was way too long a quote, but to set the scene, her friend reveals that she bought Ritalin from someone to help her focus on schoolwork after revealing what sounded to me to be some kind of learning disability, and Chloe tears her down and is horrible to her about it, then says this. This was far from the most sanctimonious bit of their conversation, but I had to go back and read it several times because.......what a weird comparison to make. Seriously, tell me. Am I supposed to like her?!

As if her preachy, hypocritical, self-satisfied judgement toward everyone else weren't enough, pretty early on in the book she stands there and watches her drunk supposed best friend get sexually assaulted and not only does she not say anything or try to help, she later (more than once!) throws the incident in her friend's face. Jesus H Christ, really? Are we supposed to like her?!

Moving past Chloe being the worst, this whole story was stuck in her head, and I feel like nothing got developed properly. It would be better, and maybe Chloe would even have seemed more likable, if more character and plot development had been described rather than narrated in Chloe's stream-of-consciousness litany of the faults of others and why nothing was her fault. I'm not averse to first person point of view, but this whole book was Chloe's self-narration, and not only did her mental voice get old fast, the limited description available meant that none of the other characters got any real development. Why should I care about Mateo when all I'm given about him is what benefits Chloe? What's the point of showing the soft side of douchebag Cam when it goes nowhere and leaves us picturing him as an irredeemable asshole? And finally, we spend the entire book on these games and trying to figure out what is going on with Chloe Donnelly, and then all that mystery is revealed in an epilogue? Really? There's not even any actual resolution, it's just "oh hey, you all got catfished by a 19-year-old computer genius with vague mental issues who catfished all of you for funsies, but there's nothing the police can do about it, sorry. The end." 

I read this book because the description and title were intriguing, but it was like reading the diary of a selfish, spoiled, overly-critical asshole, with absolutely no payoff at the end.

Two Boys Kissing - David Levithan

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"New York Times  bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS. 

While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other."

First off, David Levithan is an amazing narrator. I want him to read everything to me. Second, this book is not a light read, but my damn, it is amazing. The main narrative is about Harry and Craig as they try to break the Guinness World Record for longest kiss, but the story branches off to follow several other boys--Peter and Neil, a couple in a long-term relationship, Avery and Ryan, who meet at the start of the book, Cooper, who is only out online and struggling with his mental health, and finally Tariq, who early in the book is attacked on the street for being gay. Like I said...not a light read.

The narration by the "Greek Chorus" of gay men lost to AIDS took a bit for me to get used to, but after the first couple of chapters I was hooked. All the stories have their heartbreaking moments, but a few hit me particularly hard, like Avery and Ryan's experience at the abandoned mini-golf place, Neil's experience with coming out to his family, and basically everything about Cooper's story. Also, I've never kissed someone for 32 hours before (oof, no thank you), but Harry and Craig's experience was so descriptive that I felt what they felt. Reading about their aching backs, their thirst, their discomfort made me feel those things. And what I really felt was the support of their friends and family throughout the experience. When the theater group worked together to get more lights for the broadcast, when they formed a wall to protect the boys after someone drove by and egged Harry...seeing the way everyone pulled together to show their love for the two of them was beautiful. This book will make you feel everything. It's amazing. You should read it.

Every Heart a Doorway - Seanan McGuire

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children
No Solicitations
No Visitors
No Quests

Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else.

But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children.

Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world.

But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter.

No matter the cost."

It's hard to put a description of this book into words because it was so damn weird. In a good way, but still...weird. Nancy arrives at Eleanor West's Home for Wayward Children and is still struggling to navigate the school and the differences in all the magical worlds of her fellow students when "tragedy strikes" in the form of her roommate being murdered in the middle of the night, found the next morning with her hands cut off. (Yeah, that's right...that shit really snuck up on me. Warning for my fellow squeamy squeamish people out there.) Full of fear and suspicion, students begin turning against each other as things at the school go from bad to worse. Nancy and her new friends must stick together and weather the accusations of their classmates as they try to stay alive long enough to find out who is really at the bottom of the school's problems.

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life - Benjamin Alire Saenz

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"The first day of senior year:

Everything is about to change. Until this moment, Sal has always been certain of his place with his adoptive gay father and their loving Mexican-American family. But now his own history unexpectedly haunts him, and life-altering events force him and his best friend, Samantha, to confront issues of faith, loss, and grief.

Suddenly Sal is throwing punches, questioning everything, and discovering that he no longer knows who he really is—but if Sal’s not who he thought he was, who is he?"

Benjamin Alire Saenz has a way of putting feelings into words in a way unlike any other author I've read. Even with simple, every day moments, I find myself chugging along, reading, and then bam...so many emotions. How does he do that?! Sal's friendships with Sam and and Fito are so lovely, pure, and supportive, and his relationship with his dad and his grandma are heart-stoppingly beautiful. This book was sad and sweet and happy and a million emotions in between. No one can simultaneously break your heart and make you feel like you're overflowing with happiness the way Saenz can. 

Bonus: All the tamale talk during Christmas. Christmas 2017 introduced me to tamales for the first time, and ever since I can't get enough. 

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Saenz

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship—the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be."

I've been meaning to read this forever, and now I finally have. Worth the wait! Such a beautiful book, and as an added bonus, the audiobook is read by Lin Manuel Miranda, who is incredible. Loved every minute of it. I don't know if such a thing actually exists, but if it does...this might be the perfect book. The last sentence legitimately gives me chills every time I read it.

Foolish Hearts - Emma Mills

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"A contemporary novel about a girl whose high school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream leads her to new friends—and maybe even new love.

The day of the last party of the summer, Claudia overhears a conversation she wasn't supposed to. Now on the wrong side of one of the meanest girls in school, Claudia doesn't know what to expect when the two are paired up to write a paper—let alone when they're both forced to try out for the school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

But mandatory participation has its upsides—namely, an unexpected friendship, a boy band obsession, and a guy with the best dimpled smile Claudia's ever seen. As Claudia's world starts to expand, she finds that maybe there are some things worth sticking her neck out for."

Alright...I loved this book, but I am going to preface it by saying that it could be the white-girl version of The Way You Make Me Feel. It was a little bit weird because I read both of them at the same time, and there were legit times where I confused something from one book with something from the other. Don't get me wrong, they were both unique and wonderful in their own ways...but the basic plot was remarkably similar, and I thought it was an insane coincidence that I happened to start reading both of them on the same day.

That being said--adorable. It's hard to get into my thoughts on the book without spoiling stuff, but it was pretty much just sweet from start to finish. Watching old relationships evolve and new relationships grow, seeing friendships between people who had known each other for all or most of their lives...wonderful. The fact that Claudia plays an MMORP game with her best friend, older brother, older sister, and brother-in-law as a way for them to all "spend time" together even though they may not actually be together? LOVE. Claudia's humor was the perfect level of sarcastic, and Gideon Prewitt was so goofy and hilarious that there were moments in the book that had me literally laughing out loud. This book was easy to get lost in, I had a hard time putting it down.

The 57 Bus - Dashka Slater

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"One teenager in a skirt. 
One teenager with a lighter.
One moment that changes both of their lives forever.

If it weren't for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But one afternoon on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned, and Richard charged with two hate crimes and facing life imprisonment. The case garnered international attention, thrusting both teenagers into the spotlight."

As you can probably tell from that description, The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater is not a light read. It's a book I think everyone should pick up, though, because holy shit, will it make you think.

The book starts off with the bare facts. Sasha, an agender teen wearing a white skirt, was sleeping on the 57 bus when Richard took out a lighter and lit their skirt on fire. Pretty cut and dry, right? The bus had video cameras...there isn't much ambiguity in a case where one teenager is caught on film lighting another on fire. Until you get into the details, that is. Is Richard really what he was painted to be--a bigoted, homophobic teenager who deserved to be charged as an adult for multiple hate crimes? Or was there more to this horrible act than meets the eye? The 57 Bus will challenge your assumptions and your opinions regarding the justice system in the United States. It will make you think about how we handle young people who commit crimes. And it should.

Honestly Ben - Bill Konigsberg

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover: "Ben Carver is back to normal. He’s getting all As in his classes at the Natick School. He was just elected captain of the baseball team. He’s even won a big scholarship for college, if he can keep up his grades. All that foolishness with Rafe Goldberg last semester is over now, and he just needs to be a Carver, work hard, and stay focused.

Except…There’s Hannah, a gorgeous girl who attracts him and distracts him. There’s his mother, whose quiet unhappiness he’s noticing for the first time. School is harder, the pressure higher, the scholarship almost slipping away. And there’s Rafe, funny, kind, dating someone else…and maybe the real normal that Ben needs."


I loved Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg, so I was excited to finally have time to read the sequel, Honestly Ben. Ben is a man after my own heart, a pusher and an over-achiever for whom no accomplishment ever feels truly like it's enough, and for the most part I loved his story. It pulled at my heart strings reading about him struggling to decide how he felt, whether he was gay, bi, or...something else? And I empathized with him pushing back against people who tried to label him. Being able to put someone in a neat little labeled box may make it easier for you to feel like you understand them, but not all labels fit so neatly, and sometimes telling yourself you understand someone when you don't causes more harm than good. Kudos to Ben for resisting the labels people wanted to slap on him and being true to himself.

That being said, I did have issues with a couple of things in the book.

First, Hannah. Were we supposed to like her? It seemed like we were, but my god...I did not find her endearing. I particularly didn't love her reaction after the dance. I get the frustration, but dude. Romantic history aside, Rafe and Ben are best friends and Rafe just got dumped. Roles reversed, Hannah wouldn't have wanted to be there for her friend? Not only that, but if she wasn't cool with going home early, she should have said so. It seemed like Hannah was meant to be this evolved, high-thinking woman, but she came off as incredibly childish and obnoxious. No thanks.

Second, Ben's dad. Um...are we just not going to address how abusive his behavior is? I was really hoping for some ending closure where his mom separated from him and told him he needed to sort himself out if he wanted them to be a family. But no...instead we get a letter to him from Ben and...nothing. As someone who grew up with a similar father, it was difficult to read about all the crappy things his dad did/said and then not see any resolution. I know there were a lot of important issues already being addressed, so throwing one more into the mix is tough, but good god, of all the things to gloss over, an emotionally abusive, controlling father/husband is not it. Gah.

Anyway...those two characters aside, this book was great. I love Ben and his friends, and Konigsberg did an awesome job of balancing emotions. There were parts that tugged at my heart strings and made me tear up, and then there were sections where I was laughing out loud ("is my life force shit?" was a big one). Fantastic read.

If I Was Your Girl - Meredith Russo

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Sometimes my favorite part about downloading audiobooks from Overdrive is that it's the only avenue where I truly browse and choose random books, rather than finding things on my to-read list. I choose a collection, filter for currently available audiobooks, and scroll until one jumps out at me. Happily, the title that recently jumped out at me was If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo.

From the front cover:

"Amanda Hardy is the new girl in school in Lambertville, Tennessee. Like any other girl, all she wants is to make friends and fit in. But Amanda is keeping a secret. There's a reason why she transferred schools for her senior year, and why she's determined not to get too close to anyone. And then she meets Grant Everett. Grant is unlike anyone she's ever met--open, honest, kind--and Amanda can't help but start to let him into her life. As they spend more time together, she finds herself yearning to share everything about herself...including her past. But she's terrified that once she tells Grant the truth, he won't be able to see past it. Because the secret that Amanda's been keeping? It's that she used to be Andrew."

To a point, Amanda's story is one that anyone can empathize with. High school sucks, and even if there aren't major things that set you apart from the crowd it can be hard to fit in. I think a lot of us, myself included, viewed high school as four years we had to survive before we got out into the "real" world. But I never had to worry that I literally would not survive high school.

It's easy to demonize or dismiss things you don't understand, and there are a lot of people who don't understand trans people. Amanda's story, while admittedly fiction and made simpler for story's sake, provides valuable insight into what it's like to grow up trans, to feel like something is wrong and not be entirely sure how to fix it...to finally find the solution only to discover that a huge number of people judge you, hate you, and sometimes even wish violence on you, because of that solution. It also does an incredible job of shining a light on the fact that a person's trans-ness is not and should never become the only thing that defines them. Amanda's journey is one, not just of a trans woman trying to find her place in the world, but also one of self-discovery that we should all identify with. I wish everyone would read this book.