Four-Letter Word - Christa Desir

My rating: ⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Eight friends. One game. A dozen regrets. And a night that will ruin them all, in this high stakes gripping story of manipulation and innocence lost, from the author of Bleed Like Me.

Chloe Sanders has wasted the better part of her junior year watching her best friend Eve turn away from her for the more interesting and popular Holly Reed. Living with her grandparents because her parents are currently serving as overseas volunteers, Chloe spends her days crushing on a dark-haired guy named Mateo, being mostly ignored by Eve and Holly, and wishing the cornfields of Iowa didn’t feel so incredibly lonely.

But shortly after spring break, a new girl transfers to her high school—Chloe Donnelly. This Chloe is bold and arty and instantly placed on a pedestal by Eve and Holly. Now suddenly everyone is referring to Chloe Sanders as “Other Chloe” and her social status plummets even more.

Until Chloe Donnelly introduces all her friends to a dangerous game: a girls vs. guys challenge that only has one rule—obtain information by any means necessary. All the warning bells are going off in Other Chloe’s head about the game, but she’s not about to commit social suicide by saying no to playing.

Turns out the game is more complicated than Other Chloe thinks. Chloe Donnelly hates to lose. She's got power over everyone—secrets she’s exploiting—and she likes to yank their strings. Only soft-spoken Mateo is sick of it, and when the game turns nasty, he chooses Other Chloe to help him expose everything Chloe Donnelly has done. But neither realize just how much the truth could cost them in the end."

The blurb from the cover is a pretty accurate description of the book...the plot centers around this group of eight students playing multiple games of Gestapo, things progressively getting more tense until everything blows up, Chloe Donnelly ends up missing, and the other seven teens are implicated in her disappearance..dun dun dun! 

Obviously I did not enjoy this book, but good lord, where do I even begin? 

Main character Chloe is boring, sanctimonious, and incredibly judgmental. Even more irritatingly, most of her judgement is sandwiched in her self-pity over how everyone else is sooooo mean to her. Basically the entire book is her keeping up a running mental commentary of how useless and beneath her the people around her are, interspersed with self-satisfied reminders of how patient and tolerant she is. I don't understand if Desir wrote her as an unsympathetic character on purpose, but I couldn't stand her. Some particularly cringe examples of her awfulness:

"Eve smiled smugly as if she was the reason he'd agreed to play again, which I didn't believe for a second was the case. Chloe Donnelly must have talked him into it. Which meant she probably found out something about him. Or maybe they were hooking up on the sly, an she had him pussy-whipped or whatever that absolutely gross term was for when a guy did everything a girl said."

LMAO what?! Be a little more holier-than-thou in your feminism, right after throwing out the term "pussy-whipped" like you aren't sure you have it right.

"For a second I felt bad for him, for his small life filled with detention and post-lunch make-out sessions with his girlfriend. For his grudging promise to Holly of "no more girls" that made me wonder if he'd fooled around a lot and why. He was never going to leave Grinnell, no matter how often he took off in his car. High school was probably going to be the best time of his life. He'd be stuck in this town til he became like one of the old guys Pops hung out with at the farm store. Cam was nothing like his brother. All that wasted singing talent he'd never do anything with. Aiden would give up everything to get out of here, but not Cam. Too lazy or too defeated. It was sad, really. But before I could spend more time on the pity train, I shook myself and remembered how easily he dropped to his knees in front of Chloe Donnelly, and all my compassion stalled out."

Again, not sure if this is a deliberate choice on Desir's part or what, but holy shit, compassion? Is that compassion? Am I taking crazy pills? And finally...

"I sounded prudish and judgmental like the churchy girls who took "purity pictures" with their dads in this slightly gross way and then posted them online."

Providing the context for this was way too long a quote, but to set the scene, her friend reveals that she bought Ritalin from someone to help her focus on schoolwork after revealing what sounded to me to be some kind of learning disability, and Chloe tears her down and is horrible to her about it, then says this. This was far from the most sanctimonious bit of their conversation, but I had to go back and read it several times because.......what a weird comparison to make. Seriously, tell me. Am I supposed to like her?!

As if her preachy, hypocritical, self-satisfied judgement toward everyone else weren't enough, pretty early on in the book she stands there and watches her drunk supposed best friend get sexually assaulted and not only does she not say anything or try to help, she later (more than once!) throws the incident in her friend's face. Jesus H Christ, really? Are we supposed to like her?!

Moving past Chloe being the worst, this whole story was stuck in her head, and I feel like nothing got developed properly. It would be better, and maybe Chloe would even have seemed more likable, if more character and plot development had been described rather than narrated in Chloe's stream-of-consciousness litany of the faults of others and why nothing was her fault. I'm not averse to first person point of view, but this whole book was Chloe's self-narration, and not only did her mental voice get old fast, the limited description available meant that none of the other characters got any real development. Why should I care about Mateo when all I'm given about him is what benefits Chloe? What's the point of showing the soft side of douchebag Cam when it goes nowhere and leaves us picturing him as an irredeemable asshole? And finally, we spend the entire book on these games and trying to figure out what is going on with Chloe Donnelly, and then all that mystery is revealed in an epilogue? Really? There's not even any actual resolution, it's just "oh hey, you all got catfished by a 19-year-old computer genius with vague mental issues who catfished all of you for funsies, but there's nothing the police can do about it, sorry. The end." 

I read this book because the description and title were intriguing, but it was like reading the diary of a selfish, spoiled, overly-critical asshole, with absolutely no payoff at the end.

First & Then - Emma Mills

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Devon Tennyson wouldn't change a thing. She's happy watching Friday night games from the bleachers, silently crushing on best friend Cas, and blissfully ignoring the future after high school. But the universe has other plans. It delivers Devon's cousin Foster, an unrepentant social outlier with a surprising talent for football, and the obnoxiously superior and maddeningly attractive star running back, Ezra, right where she doesn't want them: first into her P.E. class and then into every other aspect of her life.

Pride and Prejudice meets Friday Night Lights in this contemporary novel about falling in love with the unexpected boy, with a new brother, and with yourself."

Well...I read this in like three hours, so take that for what it's worth. There was a lot more Friday Night Lights to this than Pride and Prejudice, but it was a cute story and a nice, light read. The way things turn out isn't any big secret--it's pretty obvious from the start how everything is going to play out--but that's kind of the appeal for me. I love a heavy, emotional story, but sometimes it's nice to read something like this, with everyday problems faced by every day people. A sweet story about family and young love. Books like these are the sorbet of the literary world...the perfect pallet cleanser after a string of more intense reads. Bonus: This is a perfect recommendation for reluctant readers with a soft spot for YA romance. It pulls you in fast, moves at a good pace, and keeps you hooked until the end.

Moxie - Jennifer Mathieu

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Moxie girls fight back!

Vivian Carter is fed up. Fed up with her small-town Texas high school that thinks the football team can do no wrong. Fed up with sexist dress codes and hallway harassment. But most of all, Viv Carter is fed up with always following the rules.

Viv’s mom was a punk rock Riot Grrrl in the ’90s, so now Viv takes a page from her mother’s past and creates a feminist zine that she distributes anonymously to her classmates. She’s just blowing off steam, but other girls respond. Pretty soon Viv is forging friendships with other young women across the divides of cliques and popularity rankings, and she realizes that what she has started is nothing short of a girl revolution."

I mostly loved this, so let's start with the good stuff. It was beautiful to read a book about young women pushing back against negative behavior, and it was particularly awesome to see them courageously do so even with the fear that no one else would be standing next to them when they did. Awesome. It's hard to do that, and women of all ages need to see more examples of badass women taking a stand. Additionally, I greatly appreciated that the tension between Viv and her BFF after Viv started spending more time with the new girl was resolved in such a sweet way (although I do wish it hadn't come at the hands of sexual assault. Grrrrr.). Just as we need more examples of fantastic, courageous, vocal women, the world could do with fewer catty, pointless fights between friends. Kudos to Jennifer Mathieu for writing characters with the maturity to resolve their issues through communication and trust. Finally, it was refreshing to see romance included that supplemented, but did not supersede, the main narrative. Feminists need love too, so I'm not opposed to romantic elements in stories like this, but so often the romance becomes the focal point. Mathieu did a great job of weaving Viv's young love into the story in a balanced way.

Now...a couple of things that really got under my skin. One, there's no superintendent or school district administration to go to? I get that douchebag #1's dad was the principal, so no one at the school could be gone to for assistance, but for fuck's sake go over his head! How did it get to the point where this crazy-ass principal was trying to suspend/expel a third of the school before something happened? Bonkers. Second, Viv's clashes with her boyfriend when he said stupid things. I have a husband, and said husband is not a lady, so on occasion it can be hard for him to fully grasp the difficulties of womanhood. Consequently, he says dumb shit sometimes. When he does, I have two options. Option A: Get mad at him because he just couldn't understand. Option B: HELP HIM BE AN ALLY. Why is what he is saying frustrating? How could he reframe his thinking to be supportive instead? There were soooooooo many chances for Viv to be like, "look, bud, I get that not all guys are bad. It's awesome that you have cool, super into baseball stats, bros to eat lunch with. Would said cool bros be interested in joining the cause?" Open up a dialogue, yo. Help him understand.

Anyhoo...overall, fantastic read. I highly recommend it.

Paper Towns - John Green

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Quentin Jacobsen has spent a lifetime loving the magnificently adventurous Margo Roth Spiegelman from afar. So when she cracks open a window and climbs into his life—dressed like a ninja and summoning him for an ingenious campaign of revenge—he follows. After their all-nighter ends, and a new day breaks, Q arrives at school to discover that Margo, always an enigma, has now become a mystery. But Q soon learns that there are clues—and they're for him. Urged down a disconnected path, the closer he gets, the less Q sees the girl he thought he knew..."

So Quentin Jacobsen loves his next door neighbor from afar for most of his life, even though they stopped hanging out at a fairly young age. Then one night she drags him into an epic andventure before disappearing abruptly the next morning. Following her disappearance, Quentin, his two best friends, and Margo's best friend-turned-Quentin's-weird-friend's-girlfriend all begin trying to solve the mystery of her disappearance. At first Quentin worries that she committed suicide, but the more he finds out, the more he hopes she's still out there somewhere...waiting for him.

Mehhhhhhh I just don't know. I wasn't overly enamored with this book, but it had its good points. At times Quentin was kind of a whiny jackass, but he and his friends also had pretty good senses of humor. The thing I liked the most about the book was the emphasis on how your perception of a person =/= who that person really is. Overall, it wasn't a bad read...just not my favorite.