Reboot Rereads - Emergency Contact

Hahaaaaaaa, I checked to see if I had reviewed this before and was like "whoa, I haven't?!" And then I read the blurb that I wrote when I included it on a book list:

"I double checked whether I had reviewed this book on the blog before, and at first I was a little surprised that I hadn't. Then I realized that of course I haven't reviewed it here, because I don't know what to say. This book is hard to describe, but perfect to read. It's Penny's first year of college, and...that's what it's about. Navigating somewhere new. Learning how to live with roommates, making new friends. Managing your anxiety. It's a book about real life. If you read this one and don't like it, I'm begging you, please don't tell me, because it is probably in my top three favorite books of all time, and I love it so much that it makes me nervous even recommending it."

It's great that after 38 years together, I continue to surprise myself. Anyway, yes, I have not written an actual review of Emergency Contact before, but I have included it on not one but two recommendation lists, so there's that. As quoted above, it's a great story about new experiences, figuring out how to handle anxiety (and depression), and navigating life. While I will note that it came out in 2018 and consequently suffers from an overuse of ableist terms that many of us have since learned are words you shouldn't use, overall the book is still solid and I still greatly enjoyed the story. Do what I do and substitute a different word in your head, and then it totally holds up.

While there's a lot that I adore about this book, one thing that jumped out at me more upon this read than it did in prior reads is the way that our perception of ourselves differs from the way others see us. Sam, for example, hates his body and has a ton of self talk about how ugly he is. Meanwhile, both Penny and Mallory are falling over themselves at how hot he is. Penny tells herself how weird and boring she is, that she's short and her thighs are too big, et cetera. But Sam finds her quick-witted, funny, and beautiful, and a classmate is also into her and asks her out, so clearly her perception of herself isn't true. Watching that all play out is a great reminder that we often are our own harshest critics. It can be easy in a world where we're being inundated with messages about not being good enough to pick ourselves apart, compare ourselves to others, and constantly look for things that are "wrong" with us...but damn, wouldn't it be more fun and a lot less burdensome to try to see the amazing things in ourselves that other people see in us?

Anyway, just something the book made me think about. For the record, if you're reading this, know that I think you're incredible.

Fight + Flight - Jules Machias

Initial Draw: ☆☆☆☆☆
Character Development: ☆☆☆☆☆
Plot/Writing Style: ☆☆☆☆☆
Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Avery Hart lives for the thrill and speed of her dirt bike and the pounding thump of her drum kit. But after she's diagnosed with hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a disease that affects her joints, Avery splits her time between endless physical therapy and worrying that her fun and independence are over for good.

Sarah Bell is familiar with worry, too. For months, she's been having intense panic attacks. No matter how much she pours her anxiety into making art, she can't seem to get a grip on it, and she's starting to wonder if she'll be this way forever.

Just as both girls are reaching peak fear about what their futures hold, their present takes a terrifying turn when their school is seemingly attacked by gunmen. Though they later learn it was an active shooter drill, the traumatic experience bonds the girls together in a friendship that will change the way they view their perceived weaknesses - and help them find strength, and more, in each other."

📚📚📚 

The five-star MGMASFMRS review streak continues! (It's two reviews. Counts as a streak. Don't @ me.) I bought Fight + Flight in January of last year, along with Both Can Be True by the same author, which I chose for a Read Harder Challenge and which was also a five-star review. Guess Jules Machias is a pretty good author! This book in particular hit close to home for me in a multitude of ways. For starters, that active shooter drill. I pretty frequently skip synopses, which yields mixed results at times, and for this one, that drill fucking got me. 

I mean...I work at a school. I've seen firsthand the anxiety and fear some kids go through during lockdown drills, I've had conversations with students about how I'll do everything I can to keep them safe if anything bad happens. It's some real shit, and if my school district instituted drills like this, I would be flooding the governing board members' inboxes with emails. Even just reading about it, I was SO. MAD. Like, I had to take a break from reading. I messaged my best friends to rant about it. I was furious for these kids. I know they're made-up characters, so maybe I shouldn't be so upset, but real kids deal with that shit, and I fucking hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Gahhhh just writing about it is making me mad all over again.

Moving on to other things that resonated strongly with me. First, Avery's worry about losing control after being diagnosed with hEDS and dealing with progressing issues. Disclaimer, I have not been diagnosed with EDS and don't plan on seeking a diagnosis, but my cousin has it and, in talking and reading about it with her, I'm fairly sure I have it too. If I do, I'm very fortunate that mine is much more mild than either my cousin's or Avery's, but it still really sucks, and it's incredibly frustrating dealing with seemingly random digestive issues, pretty constant injuries, etc. So, yeah, I felt for Avery and her worries about basically being perma-injured and unable to do the things she loves.

Then there's Sarah, her anxiety, and in particular her parents' insistence that she needed to lean on God to fix it. I mean, if that wasn't ripped straight from my lived experience with my parents...oof. I just wanted to hug her and sneak her to talk to a therapist about how she was feeling. Also, Sarah's brother and his struggles with his anger and clashes with their parents...my sweet, darling children, you deserve parents who give you what you need and don't just pressure you to fall in line and believe a certain way in order to feel the way you're "supposed" to feel.

Deep breaths.

Look...in fairness to Sarah's parents, I feel like toward the end of the book they got slightly more nuanced, but even so, they were my least favorite characters, and I think they kind of suck as people. Their presence and attitudes lent some additional realism to the book, I suppose, since there are people like that, who suck just as much as Sarah's parents, and who need a serious reality check. Avery's moms were infinitely better characters and people, though. Much prefer them, just like I much prefer people like them in real life.

Anyhow, this review is getting pretty off the rails. As you can probably tell, this book made me feel a lot of emotions. Some of them were bad, but many of them were good, and I really loved how the characters grew as the book carried on. Not just Avery and Sarah, but Mason, Avery's best friend, and Sarah's brother. Honestly, it was not a main storyline, and I haven't gotten into it because I really don't want to get too deep into story details and spoil anything, but Mason's arc was probably one of my favorite parts of the story, and he and Avery's moms were my three favorite characters. Only semi-story related, I also enjoyed how Sarah's art was incorporated into the book. I thought it was very unique and really helped to develop her character. 

So...yeah. This book is very good, and you should read it. Go ahead and do that.

Look Both Ways - Jason Reynolds

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"This story was going to begin like all the best stories. With a school bus falling from the sky. But no one saw it happen. They were all too busy—

Talking about boogers.
Stealing pocket change.
Skateboarding.
Wiping out.
Braving up.
Executing complicated handshakes.
Planning an escape.
Making jokes.
Lotioning up.
Finding comfort.
But mostly, too busy walking home.

Jason Reynolds conjures ten tales (one per block) about what happens after the dismissal bell rings, and brilliantly weaves them into one wickedly funny, piercingly poignant look at the detours we face on the walk home, and in life."

Jason Reynolds knows how to tell a story that tugs at your heart strings! His characters and their friendships are pure in a way that only childhood friendships can be, and the stories from each block weave together so beautifully. Of course not everything is sunshine and rainbows, and the booger talk in the first chapter genuinely grossed me out, but the genuine love and affection in this book jumps off the page, and it made it impossible for me to not also fall in love with each of the characters. I am in awe that Jason Reynolds can generate characters who feel so alive in just one chapter. Honestly, if reading this book doesn't make you feel things, I'm not sure I want to know you.

How to Breathe Underwater - Vicky Skinner

My rating: ⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Kate’s father has been pressuring her to be perfect for her whole life, pushing her to be the best swimmer she can be. But when Kate finds her dad cheating on her mom, Kate’s perfect world comes crashing down, and Kate is forced to leave home and the swim team she's been a part of her whole life.

Now in a new home, new school, and faced with the prospect of starting over, Kate isn't so sure that swimming is what she wants anymore. But when she decides to quit, her whole world seems to fall apart. But when Kate gets to know Michael, the cute boy that lives across the hall, she starts to think that starting over might not be so bad. There's only one problem: Michael has a girlfriend.

As the pressures of love, family, and success press down on her, can Kate keep her head above water?"

While there were small portions of this that I enjoyed, I think my favorite thing about it was that it was short enough to finish reading in a few hours on my plane ride to Washington DC. Just reading the synopsis clues you in on what the book will be like--kind of choppy, not always very well thought out, and a little repetitive. 

This book had a lot going on. Kate's dad cheats on her mom, resulting in chapter one: Kate moves to Portland with her mom. In the aftermath of The Affair, we get Kate despising her dad and quitting swimming because everything good about it is now outweighed by the bad. We also see Kate alternately worrying about her mom and her mom basically not existing, Kate helping her sister leave her husband-to-be at the alter and then watching her obviously struggle with depression. We meet Michael and learn about his mom's bad health. We discover, after Kate has fallen hard in a matter of minutes for him, that Michael is dating Patrice, *gasp* one of the two girls Kate met in her first five minutes at school and almost immediately became best friends with. After this revelation, we are repeatedly treated to Kate's conflicting emotions over wanting to be friends with Patrice versus wanting to be with Michael...although if we're being real, this is more Kate lamenting the fact that Patrice is dating Michael so she can't be. Finally, throughout the book, we are witness to Kate struggling to keep her relationship with her long-time best friend alive after it immediately fell apart the second she moved. With so many big conflicts, there wasn't enough time to devote to all of it, and it left everything feeling rushed and under-developed. 

Then, of course, there's Kate being the shittiest friend ever. After she meets Patrice, the reader is treated to multiple references to how unbelievably kind she is. Kate not only finds out Patrice is dating Michael, she later learns from Michael's best friend that the poor girl has been into him for basically her whole life. Then Michael dumps Patrice after she stays with him all night at the hospital and within a matter of hours declares his feelings for Kate and makes out with her in his kitchen. Later that day, Kate spends time with Patrice and sees how upset she is. She tells Michael about it, and Michael says that they can wait a bit to start dating if Kate thinks it would be better for Patrice. Kate, in true amazing friend form, is like, "nah, dude, why should I wait to spare my friend's feelings? Let's do this thing." Like.......are we supposed to feel bad for her when Patrice calls her out and everyone is being mean to her? I do feel bad for her when the swim team calls her a slut, because that's pretty much always a fucked up thing to do to someone, but beyond that...Kate was a total dick. She kinda had it coming.

Next up...Michael being described as "too nice" to break up with Patrice even though he didn't have, and had never had, feelings for her, as though this makes him some kind of fucking white knight. Ugh. Just no. It's not a nice thing to agree to go out with someone that you don't like. It's not nice to continue dating them so you can use them when you're bummed out about your mom and ignore them the rest of the time. It's not nice to not break up with someone that you don't care about to spare their feelings. Nothing about that situation made him a nice guy, and it floors me that Kate was privy to Patrice's side of their relationship and didn't have a problem with it. What's more, I think the book would have been better without the needless, forced bit of love triangle drama. Why must we constantly pit two girls against each other in a quest for the same guy? Why is this such a go-to conflict? Be more creative.

I could go on and on about the things in this book that got under my skin, but it feels like overkill. At the end of the day...I was intrigued by the premise of this book, but it squandered its potential. With so many amazing books out there, this one is lackluster. There are better options out there. Read one of those.

Turtles All the Way Down - John Green

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there’s a hundred-thousand-dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett’s son, Davis.

Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts. 

In his long-awaited return, John Green, the acclaimed, award-winning author of Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars, shares Aza’s story with shattering, unflinching clarity in this brilliant novel of love, resilience, and the power of lifelong friendship."

This book is wonderful in so many ways. A few of those ways: 

First, Aza and Daisy's relationship is so interesting...both the way they balanced each other out and the way they handled conflict. It's always refreshing when I read a book like this, with best friends who genuinely love and want the best for each other, even when they clash with each other. They got upset with each other, for valid reasons, but they never lost sight of how much they cared about each other, and they did their best to show that even when they were fighting.

Second, it was touching to see the relationship between Aza and Davis develop. The two of them were so unique and had been through so much, I was worried that their burgeoning relationship would end up being just like every other realistic fiction romance. Now, this is John Green we're dealing with here, so I'm not sure why I was worried, but of course I didn't need to be. The two of them together were just as one-of-a-kind as they are individually, and as bittersweet as it was to watch them struggle to find a balance as they grew closer to each other, I loved every minute of it. 

Finally, Aza's struggle with her mental health felt so real that at times it was difficult to read about. As hard as it was, though, we need more books like this. We need books that dig into what it's like to struggle with things like OCD, depression, anxiety...more books that help us realize that, while we may feel like everything is wrong with us and nothing about us is normal, there are people all around us going through that same struggle. The thing that particularly resonated with me was Aza's worry that if you need a pill to make you feel like yourself, then the self you are while taking that pill is not actually you. I know people who have struggled with this very thing, so to read a book with a character going through that hit me hard. Give me more books that help me understand what struggles like this feel like. I want them all.

By Your Side - Kasie West

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the cover:

"When Autumn Collins finds herself accidentally locked in the library for an entire weekend, she doesn’t think things could get any worse. But that’s before she realizes that Dax Miller is locked in with her. Autumn doesn’t know much about Dax except that he’s trouble. Between the rumors about the fight he was in (and that brief stint in juvie that followed it) and his reputation as a loner, he’s not exactly the ideal person to be stuck with. Still, she just keeps reminding herself that it is only a matter of time before Jeff, her almost-boyfriend, realizes he left her in the library and comes to rescue her.

Only he doesn’t come. No one does.

Instead it becomes clear that Autumn is going to have to spend the next couple of days living off vending-machine food and making conversation with a boy who clearly wants nothing to do with her. Except there is more to Dax than meets the eye. As he and Autumn first grudgingly, and then not so grudgingly, open up to each other, Autumn is struck by their surprising connection. But can their feelings for each other survive once the weekend is over and Autumn’s old life, and old love interest, threaten to pull her from Dax’s side?"

Librarian note: What the hell kind of library has no phones and no snacks?! If two teenagers got locked in my library for the weekend (speaking of...how crazy that I read this book the week before MLK weekend?), there would be so much food for them to eat. There are like four giant bags of candy just at my desk alone. That being said...on to what actually matters.

I have now read three Kasie West books, loved two of them, and been driven crazy by the third. I'm trying to decide if it's a coincidence that the two I enjoyed I listened to on audio and the one I didn't I read in book form...I think it's just a coincidence, but if you're an audiobook fan, you should definitely check Kasie's out. Her audiobooks are great. Is that the most times the word audiobook has been use in one paragraph? Perhaps. I'm ok with that.

This book is a great one to recommend to reluctant readers. The characters are likable and easy to relate to, it's an engaging read, and in a shocking twist, Autumn's friends are pretty awesome. From the beginning, the story pulled me in. Two teenagers ending up locked in the library together over a holiday weekend? I have a few teens who have begged me to help them hide at the end of the night so they could spend the night in the library, so I have a feeling that's a plot line that would capture their attention. I was nervous about what would happen after they got out, and the closer I got to the end of the book, the more nervous I got waiting for one of her friends to do something shitty, but they were supportive, kind, and understanding...a rarity in a lot of books, and an example of friendship that a lot of people could benefit from reading about. Finally, huge shout out to a book whose main character struggles with an anxiety disorder. I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, and until very recently I felt like I was overreacting or being a baby when I spiraled or had an anxiety attack. It's amazing to read a book about someone who has shared that struggle and see that not only is it something that should be taken seriously, it's something others deal with too. Hooray for books that open a dialogue about mental health!